Tag Archives: Terrell Owens

Terrell Owens is now a Buffalo Bill…wait, what?

That’s not a lie. I was working late last night, so I had no idea, but sure enough, it’s true.

Terrell Owens is a Buffalo Bill.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Continue reading

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Flyers release Briere’s groin; replacement groin to come from Carcillo?

ASSociated Press — In a surprising announcement earlier today, the Philadelphia Flyers have released the injured groin of Daniel Briere.

The move comes after Briere – who has played in only 12 games this season due to injury – reaggrevated the groin last evening in the Flyers 5-1 loss against Calgary. Though initially reported to be a day-to-day setback, the organization has decided to cut ties with the oft-injured groin.

“Obviously, this wasn’t an easy decision for the Flyers or for Danny Briere, but in the end, we felt that it was the best decision for all parties,” said Flyers GM Paul Holmgren. Continue reading

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TO gets cut, claims Karma held secretive meetings with Jerry Jones

Michael Smith, apparently the man in the know these days, has reported that the Cowboys are cutting TO. Ah, how the mighty have fallen. Here at The Pattison Pundit, I am reporting that, according to my sources (Editor’s note: Insert hyperactive imagination here), TO is reportedly blaming this roster cut on secretive meetings Karma has been having with Jerry Jones. Per my sources:

What it boils down to, according to TO, is that Jones, after a disappointing season, began to consult with Karma, who was recently brought into the fold in an advisory role to evaluate the team’s chemistry. TO, who has had very rough encounters with Karma in the past, is assuming that the appointment of Karma is responsible for his removal from the Cowboys.

Interesting stuff. Ah, but it gets better. Continue reading

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So Brett Favre is retiring, is he? Right…here are a few more things that might actually “happen”

So Mr. Favre is retiring…again. Right. I’ll believe it when the Jets (Editor’s note: Or Vikings and Bears, for that matter) take their first snap without him next season. It’s probably time that Brett “The Gritman” Favre took his leave – his last few years in the league have been clouded by too much controversy and conflict. It kind of hampered the whole “boyish exuberance” thing he had going for him out on the field.

brett-favre-mouth-open12

And that’s why we all loved him, wasn’t it?

So, in honor of Favre’s “retirement,” I’ve come up with some other news of the ol’ double-quote variety. We’ll call it the “Broken News.” In other words, here are some headlines that you would probably be wary of, and likely doubt almost instantly, were you to read them in the paper or on your computer. To the back page!

Pac-Man Jones claims he’s cleaned up act, changed lifestyle

O.J. Simpson swears he’s innocent

Of anything. It doesn’t matter what – you wouldn’t believe him. He could say he was black, and you wouldn’t believe him. Nope,  you would just shake your head at him in disappointed disbelief, the same way your grandparents did when they knew you were lying.

Accused Ballplayer X denies knowing substances were banned, insists everyone was doing it.

Eagles Front Office, Andy Reid says team is “close” Continue reading

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The Pundit’s NFL Mocking Draft, Part Two

As noted before, I’m a huge fan of the NFL draft – but it’s way too soon to predict, with any semblance of accuracy, what will actually happen. This is what I came up with instead. (Find Part One here)

17. New York Jets – With the 17th pick, the Jets have selected: A designated scapegoat. Literally, they drafted some guy off of the street for the sole purpose of blaming all of their problems on him.  Genius move – why didn’t Mangini think of this?

18. Chicago Bears – With the 18th pick, the Bears have selected: Jim McMahon. And his super cool shades. Why the hell not?

I mean, what could I possibly add to this?

I mean, what could I possibly add to this? Other then: Bangles' Hot LP? Really?

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What does Donovan think about Donovan? The Pundit wonders if he’s satisfied…

So, meandering about the Internet last night, I stumbled upon a BS Report with an author I dig, Chuck Klosterman. By the way, if you don’t know Klosterman, check him out some time – pretty good stuff.

Anyway, during the course of his lengthy and wandering convo with Simmons, the topic of Chris Webber – namely, his own personal evaluation of his career – came up. In essence, the two were discussing whether or not Webber would view his own career as a success, despite the fact that many fans would chide his legacy based on the enormous amount of potential he never seemed to quite live up to.

Best be calling a timeout on that drama...

Best be calling a timeout on that drama...

Which led Klosterman to bring up Donovan McNabb. Continue reading

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Stewart Bradley wipes, Donovan’s gripes: The Pundit’s quick notes on the Birds

Stewart Bradley is a multi-tasker. Skip to about the 8:45 mark on the audio below from an interview of Bradley on the Jody Mac show on 950 ESPN Radio, and listen for a certain whooshing sound. Maybe he thought it was a shitty interview? (Editor’s note: Or maybe he was just in a pissy mood).

Jody Mac interview w/ Stewart Bradley

More Eagles thoughts after the jump…

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