(Editor’s note: Obviously, The Pundit couldn’t score an actual interview with Andy Reid. We figure he didn’t want to field The Pundit’s probing inquiries. That, and we had no idea how the hell to get in touch with him. Right. But this how we think things might have gone).
The Pundit: Thanks for being here, Andy. Really appreciate you taking the time. Let’s get right to it – coming into the season, there was a lot of hype circulating around this team, both locally and nationally, especially after Dr. Z of Sports Illustrated picked you to make the Super Bowl. What expectations did you have for this team headed into the season?
Andy Reid: I’m going to pass on that question.
The Pundit: Um, alright, not a problem. Well, coming off of a disappointing season last year, did you change your approach at all coming into this year, or do you more fine-tune and tweak a few things here and there?
Reid: Yeah, I’m going to have to pass on that question.
Pundit: Right, okay, sure, I understand, let’s focus more on the present. What can you tell us about the Shawn Andrews situation as it currently stands?
Reid: I’ll pass on that question.
Pundit: Wow. Right. Um, in the most recent game against the Giants, did the offensive line really pick up their game, or was it more the case of them getting added cracks at the running game and eventually wearing down the New York defense?
Pundit: Oh, Jesus Christ! Ok, whatever, you’re gonna be like this, than fine. I’ve got a bagful waiting for you, buddy. Did the health of Brian Westbrook these past two weeks factor into the gameplan whatsoever?
Reid: (Yawns) I’m going to pass on that question.
Pundit: Dude! Are you serious right now?
Reid: I’ll pass on that question.
Pundit: Wait, that wasn’t even a serious question. I mean, this is unbelievable! Work with me here, Andy. It’s a give and take – how can I accomplish anything in this interview if you refuse to answer any questions?
Reid: Sorry, but I would prefer to pass on that question.
Pundit: Aaaaagggghhhh! Did Donovan McNabb’s erratic play inspire you to run the ball these past two weeks?
Pundit: IT’S QUITE POSSIBLE THAT I WILL STRIKE YOU IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER ONE OF MY DAMN QUESTIONS! ANY THOUGHTS ON THAT?
Reid: I won’t respond to that – I pass.
Pundit: Good God, I hope I brought my Xanax with me. Alright, alright, I gotta get something here – could you talk on the decision to sit Reggie Brown, and what led up to that decision?
Reid: (Seen flipping closed a cell phone): Did you know that if your regular cell phone minutes run out, they charge you overage fees? I wonder how that works… I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, I was a bit tied up. Oh well, let’s just move on, it’s a long interview session, nothing we can do about it now.
Pundit: Mr. Reid, you are slowly dissolving my hope for humanity itself. I have never suffered through a more intolerable experience. Why do you refuse to…
Reid: Let me just interrupt you there, before you ruin this question for yourself, your fans, and myself. Let’s go ahead and bring somebody else in to finish the question. Do you have a back-up interviewer, someone else who could ask the question? How about that intern over there, he’ll probably do a better job of asking this next question. Go ahead, son.
Random Intern: I don’t know exactly what The Pundit was going to ask. This might not be it at all, but I’ll give it a shot: Why do you refuse to run the ball more consistently?
Reid: Son, I give you the opportunity to come into the interview and show me something, and you totally blow it. I’ll pass on your meager attempt. Alright Pundit, it can’t get any worse than that – you’re back in.
Pundit: Oh, goody-goody friggin’ gum drops. Fine, here’s one for you, since you won’t address yourself or the team, do you think the fans want to see the team continue to run the ball?
Reid: I think the fans really just want to win. They don’t really care if we throw it or run it, they just want to see W’s.*
Pundit: Holy cow, you responded. You actually ran with one of my questions. That’s…that’s a revelation. So, um, gosh, I don’t even now what to ask know, I just can’t believe I got an answer there. How about, uh, well, here we go, what made you guys go with a more run-reliant gameplan against the Giants?
Reid: The weather conditions were the biggest factor.*
Pundit: Yes! Yes, two answers in a row! Alright, let’s keep running with this, I really like the way we are headed right now. The success you had running the ball against the Giants was obvious, and it seemed to seep down to the rest of the team. For one, McNabb was much more effective in the passing attack, having shorter third downs to convert, and less pressure on his shoulders to make all of the plays. He was able to relax a bit more, and take what the defense gave him. And our own defense, spending less time on the field, was fresher than they’ve been much of the season, and kept a very good Giants running game in check. With all of that being said, can we expect to see a continued commitment to the running game down the stretch, with a playoff berth on the line?
Reid: Sorry, but I’ll pass.
That’s what I’m afraid of…
*Sections marked with the asterick are actual quotes from Andy Reid, and were referenced from this page here.