Alright, alright, so the Presidential Election has nothing to do with sports. But hey, its all a game, right? I mean, there are a ton of races all over the country. (Editor’s note: Groan). Thus, I am committed to posting various games you can play during the election coverage, along with posting my comments on the Election coverage throughout the evening. Whoo-hoo! Hope you voted – wouldn’t want Puff Diddy to kill you, ya dig? (Editor’s note: Dude, Puff Diddy is a huuuuuuuuge douche. Ginormous, really.)
7:35 PM: Ok, the election coverage should provide great drinking games fodder. Several keywords or phrases to drink to: swing states, too close to call, exit polls, blue collar, Clinton, chads, hanging chads, Florida, Pennsylvania, Indiana, California, Ohio, New York, New Jersey, votes, polls, ballots, demographics, Joe the Plumber, change, campaign, contributions, pundits, historic, precinct, bloggers, analysts, electorates, battleground state, public financing, projection, etc. Maybe pick a few per person and have fun, damnit!
7:45 PM: ABC has an analyst named Cokie Roberts. However, I will be spelling it Cokey for the duration of this liveblogging, because that makes me smile, and grind my teeth a little bit, and suddenly want to dance to bad techno music. I just want to see Cokey flip out, stand up on her desk and start yelling. Hey hey hey I hope everyone got out and voted because its our national privilege and damnit that is so important it will be interesting to see how Indiana goes because you know Obama really wanted that state and he already got Vermont and that state has a lot of snow who said snow did I say snow who’s got a dollar bill I’m getting down during commercial break WHOO let’s get electing a president up in this bitch already!
8:31 PM: Looks like PA is going to go to Obama. Sweet. Though, I’m sure only 0.2% of the actual vote is in, so it’s still conjecture right now. Still, looks like PA is headed Obama’s way.
8:35 PM: The best part of watching this coverage is seeing how easily lumped together people become. First, we start with Men and Women. Then, we get to Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, etc. Then, it’s rural, suburban and city voters. Let’s not forget about the Gay men, straight men, gay women and straight women. Then, they break it down into friggin’ careers and occupations, for Chrissakes: the banking community, the farmers, the laborers, college students, etc. I would like to know how a Gay Jewish woman from Albuquerque, New Mexico, with 3.5 children who works at J.C. Penny during the day and is a cleaning lady at night because her bum of a husband walked out on her due to his love affair with Jim Beam is voting. (Editor’s note: I’m not even sure if the above situation is even scientifically possible…)
8:52 PM: CNN literally has layers of analysts, and a dizzying camera that is, for whatever reason, giving me the occasional lovely shot of the back of everyone’s heads. Necessary, guys? Oh, and James Carvel scares me.
8:55 PM: NBC has coverage of Mayor Nutter. At Finnigan’s Wake. Apparently, Nutter wants to watch the Election and pick him up some sorostitutes.
9:02 PM: According to Fox, McCain is “protesting” the Pennsylvania call. The McCain camp is protesting a projection. I mean, the manner in which we both conduct and cover our election process in this country is pure fucking spectacle.
9:52 PM: ABC’s coverage is so boring, it just put Cokie Roberts to sleep. (Editor’s note: Oh, gross, she’s foaming from the mouth – lightweight).
9:57 PM: Anybody know anything about any of the other people they voted for other than the President today? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
10:00 PM: Thank God the Comedy Central special with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert is starting. That other coverage was fucking killing me.
10:37 PM: And Fox has returned to Finnigans. It’s a shit-show, people – even the reporter is covered in beads.
10:43 PM: Colbert and Stewart should really work more together – they are absolutely hysterical. Brilliant banter and counterpoint.
11:11 PM: Barack Obama is being projected to be the 44th President of our United States of America. It’s just my own personal belief, but good work, America. You spoke loud and clear on this evening, and we shall see if Senator Obama can be the leader we all seem to think he can be. Your Pundit, signing out.