Tag Archives: Olympics

The Week in Review

After my Saturday hiatus, I have returned to wrap up the week. Let’s get to it, kids.

The No-Show of the week goes to Jimmy Rollins. In all sincerity, this is not an effort to pile on after the “frontrunning” debacle. Fact is, Jimmy batted 3-24 last week with no extra-base hits, no walks (he was hit by one pitch) and no RBI’s. He did score 3 runs, which is extremely frustrating in its own right, because when he gets on base, the Phils tend to knock him in – he sets the proverbial table. (Editor’s note: I can never remember where you put the damn fork). That, and a lead-off hitter should get on base more than 4 times in a week, plain and simple.

The Stud of the Week is a split between Usain Bolt and Cole Hamels. Bolt set three world records (100m, 200m, 4x100m relay), and did so with relative ease. He’s not only the fastest man in the world, he is, at least for now, the fastest man ever. That’s friggin’ impressive. Still, not only do I like to reserve this award for local guys, but also for, um, citizens of this country (Editor’s note: Patriotic…or prejudiced? Judge for yourselves, people). Thus, Hamels takes the second half of this award. In two starts this week, Hamels threw 15 innings, surrendering 12 hits but allowing only three runs with no walks and eight K’s. The Phillies won each of his starts.

The All-Encompassing Thought of the Week goes back out to the Olympics. With the games coming to a close, The Pundit can’t help but get a little bit weepy (Editor’s note: Is it really neccesary to admit that?). Sure, the US underachieved a bit in track and field, but hey, Bryan Clay won the decathlon, the event in which the winner is dubbed “The Greatest Athlete in the World.” That’s pretty cool. And the Redeem Team (Editor’s note: Everytime I hear that name, I envision a large line of elderly women at a grocery store, fumbling for their coupon books) straight-up handled their business, knocking off Spain 118-107 in a game that was exciting and often a bit too close for comfort. US basketball may never dominate the world the way that the Dream Team once did, but something certainly felt restored and in its rightful place as the Redeem Team had their Olympic Golds placed around their neck. China not only put on a great show, but showed up as well, dominating the Gold medal count. That being said, the US performed admirably and finished with the highest overall medal count. Hold your heads high, American Olympians – we are all proud of your performances and the manner in which you carried yourselves. You represented us well. We were treated to breathtaking performances, enthralling finishes and fascinating storylines (Editor’s note: God, this whole segment sounds soooooooooooooo corny and cliche…but I think its true), and I for one will miss them.  Wait, what’s that you say? You say its just about time for football season? Welp, see you in London, Olympics (Editor’s note: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do).

The Painfully Specific Thought of the Week is an NFL ditty. (Editor’s note: A ditty? What the hell is a ditty?) Let’s take a quick look at the statistics put up by the Eagles opening day receiving corps in 2007, and compare them to Mr. Boldin.

Reggie Brown: 61 receptions for 780 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Hank Baskett: 16 receptions for 161 yards and 1 touchdown.

DeSean Jackson: Rookie

Jason Avant: 23 receptions for 267 yards and 2 touchdowns

Greg Lewis: 13 receptions for 265 yards and 3 touchdowns

Total: 113 receptions for 1473 yards and 10 touchdowns

Anquan Boldin: 71 receptions for 853 yards and 9 touchdowns. Oh, and he missed 4 games, so if he had stayed healthy, he would have likely finished with about 95 catches for 1150 yards and 13 touchdowns. They have a word for something like this…oh, right, upgrade. Yup, it was upgrade. (Editor’s note: I don’t think he’s going to let this one go).

The Moment of the Week goes to the kick return of Quintin Demps and the punt return of DeSean Jackson. It was really exciting to see the Eagles do something positive on special teams, and the return by Demps was just awesome. I wasn’t able to see it happen live, but Merrill Reese, as he always does, made it extremely exciting to listen to. Before the Demps return, he said something to the tune of “I would really like to see a kick return here.” A few seconds later, and Mr. Reese had his wish. Then, before the punt return, he again said “Hey, you know what? I’d like to see a punt return, too.” Mike Quick chided him, telling him to save some of his luck for the regular season, but it was too late – DeSean Jackson was already weaving his way to the endzone. This prompted Reese to jokingly exclaim, “I’d like to be six foot four!” The man always had golden pipes; who knew they were so damn lucky?

I won’t be doing links in the morning, as I have to get up earlier then usual for work, but they’ll be back on Tuesday. Make sure to check in tomorrow night for my Fantasy Football preview. I know its a bit late to bust this out, but I didn’t want to give away any of my Golden Nuggets of Genius (Editor’s note: cough) before I had my own draft. Since I know many of you probably already had your draft, I’ll bust out my top 25 and focus on sleepers I think you should pay attention to. Also, a full NFL preview is in the works – should be exciting. (Editor’s note: Why, I’m practically lactating with enthusiasm!)

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Filed under Eagles, MLB, NFL, Olympics, Phillies, The Week in Review

Olympic Liveblogging part deux

So, my initial goal for the Olympics was to do at least 8 liveblogs, setting the word record for each. Sadly, I fear I will be falling painfully short of my goal (Editor’s note: Surely the masses will mourn). Anyway, enough of my Preramble (Editor’s note: Oh, he’s so punny) and on to the liveblogging.

8:13 PM: So we’re starting out the evening with hurdles, which are kind of like car racing: you’re into the race, but secretly you’re hoping for an epic crash. (Editor’s note: My last epic crash involved Atlantic City, approxiametly 7 Red Bull and vodka’s, and a nightcap with a woman named Trixie).

8:19 PM: Early candidate for name of the night: Lolo “Rolo” Jones, US Women’s 110M hurdler. Okay, so I gave her the nickname, but she’s smooth and milk chocolatey, so I think it fits. (Editor’s note: Whiteboy’s got jokes).

8:21 PM: “Rolo” Jones kicks butt in the first semifinal heat. She just made a new fan.

8:25 PM: A crash on the first hurdle in the second semifinal for Susanna Kallur of Sweden. Luckily, she seems alright. So, the hurdles were excellent: one great name, all three Americans moved to the finals, and one crash (albeit not epic, but also without serious injury). What else could you ask for from hurdles?

8:31 PM: The “experts” are weighing in on Mr. Bolt’s celebration at the end his 100M victory. You know, when he hit his chest once and put out his arms. Was it unsportsmanlike? Was he mocking his opponents? Or did he have some mucous in his lungs he was trying to loosen? Who gives a crap?

8:33 PM: My God, Bolt is fast. He looked like he could have won his 200M semifinal by a few seconds had he kept his throttle up. Dude can jet. Oh, and Usain Bolt is definitely in the running for name of the night. (Editor’s note: A sprinter with the last name of Bolt – he automatically gets the award).

8:38 PM: The announcer just said, “Dix has got something inside of him.” Heh heh. (Editor’s note: Sad. And it doesn’t even really make sense if you think about it).

8:39 PM: Dix qualified for the final. I guess you could say he rose for the occasion. (Editor’s note: Oh, I bet he totally just came up with that).

8:43 PM: Good grief, an Irish dude just won a 200M semifinal. And in other news, a basketball player from Great Britain is favored in this year’s Slam Dunk Contest.

8:49 PM: Pole vaulting is so cool. Sure, they look a bit silly while running with the pole, but you would look ridiculous hoisting around a huge pole too (Editor’s note: Speak for yourself, buddy).

9:00 PM: It’s beach volleyball! With Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh! I’m excited! Don’t you want to murder the person who invented exclamation points?!

9:04 PM: Kerri Walsh doesn’t have her kinesiology tape on. I can’t believe the broadcasters haven’t educated us with an elaborate conversation as to why she’s gone away from the tape. Is her shoulder better? Did she think it became uncool after all of the other players started posing off of her style? (Editor’s note: We need answers, people!).

9:09 PM: LeBron and Kobe are taking in the action. What’s with the two of them showing up everywhere together? They were watching Phelps together. They interviewed together. Now, it’s beach volleyball together. I mean, I understand team cohesion and all, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them taking in a steeplechase race, holding hands and smiling at each other’s corny jokes. (Editor’s note: Alright, let’s not get carried away).

9:16 PM: May/Walsh are up 18-7. In an Olympic semifinal against a highly touted Brazilian team. They’re ridiculous.

9:20 PM: May/Walsh win their first set 21-12. A bit disappointing has been the lack of terrible nicknames involved in the match, such as “thin beast.” That’s right, Dalhausser, I didn’t forget about your maniacal moniker (Editor’s note: I would have gone with “asinine alias”).

9:24 PM: A kinesiology tape reference! I knew the coverage couldn’t last without mentioning it at least once.

9:30 PM: I don’t understand why anyone would try to spike on Walsh. She blocks just about every spike attempt, but seems susceptible to finesse shots lifted above her or to her side. (Editor’s note: This scouting report brought to you by The Pattison Pundit, pretending to be an expert in beach volleyball since 10 minutes ago).

9:41 PM: May and Walsh win again. Same old, same old.

9:46 PM: Okay, so apparentely there is a Woman’s Trampoline final (Editor’s note: Does anyone know what time the slip-and-slide race is being broadcast?).

9:47: Right, so this whole trampoline thing is actually pretty sick. The woman who just went, Karen Cockburn (Editor’s note: it’s prounounced Coh-burn, assholes) had a ridiculous routine. Much cooler than I anticipated.

9:58 PM: He Wenna takes home the Gold for China with a nasty display of flippant bravado (Editor’s note: Groan). China brought their game face to these games, at least in the acrobatic events.

10:10 PM: We’ve moved on to Men’s Rings. I think I see Vince Vaughn lighting a cigarette during his warm-up. He’s got to be the favorite here (Editor’s note: This super funny movie reference brought to you by The Pattison Pundit, an expert in making entertaining movie quips since never).

10:24 PM: Not too much to report on Men’s Rings. These guys are ridiculously jacked, I feel excessively lazy watching them perform their feats of strength, and the moves don’t have funny names. Except for the Victorian, an unbelievably difficult and rarely seen move in which the gymnast positions his body parallel to the ground with his chest up, as opposed to the more traditional back up parallel hold (Editor’s note: I know there’s a Victorian joke in there I’m missing).

10:37 PM: On to the semifinals of the Woman’s 400M Hurdles. Queen Harrison is my girl; she doesn’t take anyone’s flak, you can see it on her face. Represent, girl.

10:40 PM: Oh crap. Queen Harrison didn’t qualify for the final. I jinxed her. Queen – I’m sorry (Editor’s note: What a jerk).

10:44 PM: It’s a vault-off! It’s our own Jenn Stuczynski vs. Russian World Record holder Yelena Isinbayeva in the Women’s Pole Vault Final.

10:47 PM: So, after hyping the pole vaulting showdown, NBC goes to commercial break and returns with…the Men’s 400M Hurdles final. Um, okay.

10:50 PM: US sweeps the Hurdles! Booyah. Angleo Taylor wins Gold, Kerron Clement takes Silver, and Bershawn Jackson, nicknamed Batman (Editor’s note: The Dark Flight?), takes Bronze. Good work, fellas.

10:55 PM: And now to the Women’s Uneven Bars Final, where Nastia Liukin looks to continue her already stellar games with Gold.

10:59 PM: He Kexin of China, age 7 (Editor’s note: I mean, she’s listed at 16, but let’s be serious…) is first to go. Or at least be broadcast. Of course I already accidentally stumbled upon the results on the Internet this morning, which really pissed me off, but its still absurd watching these girls flip and fly all over the place.

11:07 PM: Kexin’s routine was absurd. Liukin’s routine was absurd. Why, I don’t even know how you could differentiate between the two of them…

11:09 PM: Wait a second – they’re tied at 16.725. How can this be? And how did Liukin end up in second? Well, I’m sure NBC and their crack staff of commentators will eventually explain how this could happen, other then the obvious “home-mat advantage.”

11:13 PM: So far, the only explanation has been that the IOC has a computer program that, in the event of a tie, automatically identifies the criteria to be used as the tiebreaker. Thankfully, that extremely vague explanation does absolutely nothing for anyone.

11:17 PM: China’s Yang Yilin, age 8 1/2, up next on the bars.

11:19 PM: She only gets a 16.65, and we’re still “tied” for Gold. Still no idea what the specific criteria for the tiebreaker is.

11:24 PM: Apparentely, Australia’s judge docked Liukin more points than she docked Kexin, which cost her the Gold. So, I guess a gymnast’s highest and lowest score is taken away. If it is still tied after that, they take away the next lowest. After that, Kexin had two 9.1’s and a 9.0, while Liukin had two 9.0’s and a 9.1. It’s something like that. Yeah, not a big fan of both the Olympic Gymnastics’ tiebreaking procedure and the Australian judge. (Editor’s note: Kexin and Liukin each earned a Gold, so do what’s right, and give them each what they deserve).

11:42: Ahhhhh, finally back to the Women’s Pole Vault Final, where Stuczynski can’t hold off Isinbayeva, who sets another world record. We get to see all of three vaults. Pretty anticlimactic coverage. And on another anticlimactic note, I think I’m just about liveblogged out. It’s been fun.

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Waking with the Pundit

Required Reading

Extra, Extra! Read all about it! Despite more paltry run support, Cole Hamels finally gets the win.

Eagles tidbits here – looks like Mr. Demps is impressing.

I almost always enjoy Jason Whitlock’s columns. You might too, but if you are pressed for time, scroll down to his number 3 NFL truth – he has quite the prediction for Philly’s most controversial son.

Just in case you were having a bit of Brett Favre withdrawl after the heavy media binge – The Pundit found you a little something something (Editor’s note: Have you ever sucked d$*@ for Favre?).

If this keeps up, you’ll be able playing Madden on your cell phone too. This is pretty crazy, and can’t be good for your minutes.

Check back late night, for the triumphant return of Olympic Liveblogging. (Editor’s note: I’ll bring the chips, you bring the beer. Oh, do you know if anyone could score some Favre, ‘cuz that would be sweeeeeeet!).

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Filed under Eagles, General, MLB, NFL, Olympics, Phillies

Liveblogging (P-R-E-S-E-A-S-O-N Preseason!)

8:02 PM: Just turned on the TV, only to go immediately to commercial break. Luckily, I’m not missing the sideline reports. They should be asinine, at best.

8:05 PM: Eagles kicking off, and I’m pumped. I missed the Steelers contest, so this is my first taste of the year (Editor’s note: He hasn’t had a taste in 7 months. We’re all so proud).

8:07 PM: Asante Samuel breaks up a pass. Good to have you, man.

8:08 PM: Pretty excited to see DeSean Jackson return a punt…

8:09 PM: …and Jackson gets crushed after 5 yards.

8:11 PM: Eagles burn an early timeout. These are the kinks you always hope will be ironed out in the regular season but always seem to linger.

8:13 PM: What is wrong with Reggie Brown? Hopefully, just a slight hamstring tweak.

8:15 PM: It’s his hamstring, and Reggie’s done for the night. Not a good development early on, especially for a player who has a lot to prove this year. Hamstrings are ornery and tend to stick around (Editor’s note: Insert cheesy in-laws joke here).

8:20 PM: McNabb gets happy feet with plenty of time to throw in the pocket and overthrows Kevin Curtis badly, who didn’t have anybody within 10 yards of him. I’m not trying to get down on McNabb, because I’m a supporter, but he makes some hideous throws from time to time. I’m just going to refer to them as McDucks from now on (Editor’s Note: I just had one of those at McDonalds. Deeee-licious).

8:25 PM: The Eagles defense is looking stout right now. Two series, 6 plays, about 15 yards gained for the Panthers.

8:26 PM: Jackson on another punt. He makes one guy look silly, then gets hit pretty hard again. Seems to me like he’s a little tentative when he senses contact, which is something he’ll need to get over very quickly if he’s going to be effective.

8:30 PM: I was just about to comment that the Eagles offense was driving in a very methodical fashion this evening, and then they attempt a stop-and-go to DeSean Jackson. He had a step and was overthrown by McNabb. QUACK!

8:32 PM: Sonuvabitch. Weather delay due to lightning. Weeeeeeaaaaaaaaak.

8:33 PM: Over to the Olympics, where we have USA vs. Bulgaria in Men’s Volleyball.

8:43 PM: Hooray, USA wins! Ah, who am I kidding? I’m not pumped up at all. Real Volleyball is not that exciting. I need sand, bathing suits and outdated alternative songs during every break in the action. (Editor’s note: “Sixteen candles down the drain / WhoaOhhhhhh”)

8:47 PM: Bob Costas is using a gigantic microphone. It’s huge. Reminds me of the cell phones from Saved by the Bell. (Editor’s note: Insert “Do-you-think-he’s-compensating-for-something?” joke here).

8:54 PM: Good grief, Michael Phelps is getting water in his goggles! OHMIGOD! I don’t know how he’ll handle it! Wait, wait, hold on, I’m getting something here, what’s that, what’s that you’re saying, you say he’s won Gold in every race he’s been in so far? Oh, yeah, that’s true, isn’t it? Huh. Okay, I feel better now.

9:01 PM: Sweet, Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. Against Belgium, not be the first country that would come to mind when thinking about Beach Volleyball (Editor’s note: I’m still waiting for Greenland to show up).

9:03 PM: And, we’re talking about kinesiology tape, mostly because Walsh has it wrapped around her left shoulder, and apparently the other players are using it now. Interesting stuff, I know. Anytime tape comes up in a conversation, I go cross-eyed. Instantly.

9:23 PM: May and Walsh just completed a remarkable first set salvage by surviving a 20-17 deficit and multiple set points. They are out of this world.

9:29 PM: After a lengthy delay and several conversations about how Chris Myers (clear trash bag poncho) and Pam Oliver (hiding under tarp / using umbrella) are staying dry, we’re back to the football game. 3rd and 8 for the Eagles. And…a first down strike from McNabb to Curtis.

9:31 PM: Okay, we’ve got a wet cheerleader shot. This is an excellent development. (Editor’s Note: Hell, it’s just a preseason game – give the ladies some camera time, Fox).

9:36 PM: So, I just witnessed one of the stranger plays I’ve seen in awhile. The Eagles, in a preseason game, attempted a fake field goal. Akers ran off to his left to simulate receiving a pitch, and Rocca attempted a shovel pass, which was intercepted by Richard Marshall and returned for a touchdown. An odd set of circumstances for sure.

9:54 PM: The Panthers finally get a first down, right in the middle of the obligatory Lito Shepherd contract banter. Deangelo Williams rips off big run, the first big play for Carolina. The Panthers are driving, down to the 10.

9:58 PM: Touchdown, Panthers. Delhomme throws a pretty pass to Muhsin Muhammad who gets absolutely jacked by Brian Dawkins. Wait, wait, we have a challenge; looks like Dawkins knocked the ball out. I heart Brian Dawkins…there, I said it, and I meant it (Editor’s note: Yeah, I heart Dawkins too).

10:01 PM: No Touchdown. Brian Dawkins, you are the man! (Editor’s note: C’mon now, no Harry Kalas rip-offs during a football game). Field goal attempt successful by the Panthers, 10-0 for the bad guys.

10:05 PM: Has anybody seen L.J. Smith lately? Oh, he started? Hmmm. I’d like to see the Eagles try to get him involved on this drive – which has started with a facemask and an offsides penalty. Lock it up, Eagles (Editor’s note: You lock it up).

10:12 PM: The Eagles defense has really been swarming. They look athletic and hungry and have been tackling well. Granted, the Panthers aren’t to be confused with the Patriots, but the Eagles, with the exception of a few plays, have been dominant.

10:14 PM: Nice return by DeSean, who showed great speed around the corner and got some solid blocks. He did get blindsided by another jarring hit, however, and fumbled. Eagles recovered. I have a feeling DeSean is going to be exciting for both the right and wrong reasons on punt returns this year. You’ll be thinking, “Oh, he might take it to the house,” or “Oh no, is he going to get jacked up and fumble?”

10:18 PM: Akers misses a 45 yarder. A tough kick given the conditions, though a make there would have gone a long way to soothing the ever-increasing uneasiness I have when Akers is kicking. Can he return to form this year? A huge question for the Eagles.

10:22 PM: Lito gets a pick on an errant throw by Delhomme. Wait, I think that was some sort of creature with half of Lito’s body and half of Sheldon Brown’s. Hold on, are we checking on this? Can we get that? Oh, okay, nope, sorry, that was inaccurate information. Can we check on whether or not that will improve his YPA? (Editor’s note: Who is he talking to?)

10:28 PM: Halftime. First half grades:

Defense – A (a big play or two, but only allowed a field goal. Swarmed well, controlled the line of scrimmage with their front four and filling linebackers, were active and fired up. Yes, it was the Panthers, but I feel much more confident in this unit having watched them in action then I did before tonight)

Offense – C+ (looked methodical and precise early, moved ball well, McNabb did miss a few big play passes, rain seemed to really affect them, dropped 5 balls late, didn’t really establish the run, tough to read because obviously the play-calling is limited. They seem to have personnel that, if properly utilized, could form a solid offense. Receivers ran good routes, got open, too many drops)

Special Teams – C (not really angry at the strange fake field goal play, seemed odd to try it at the time, but I guess better now than in the regular season. DeSean Jackson showed promise though he was stuffed a few times and did fumble, Lorenzo Booker and the kick return team were anything but impressive, Akers missed the field goal, really tough conditions but would have gone a long way to easing concerns that he’s lost his mojo).

Alright, this ran a bit long, I’m going to call it quits on liveblogging. I’m always more interested in the starters during the preseason; besides, I’d like to flip to The Olympics and the Phillies game. Be sure to wake with The Pundit tomorrow morning.

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Filed under Eagles, Live Blogging, NFL, Olympics, Uncategorized

Waking up with The Pundit

Required Reading

Aaaaaaaaargh! The Phils lose again.

Rich Hoffman thinks the Birds are losing popularity. Judge for yourself, but The Pundit isn’t convinced. Sure, training camp numbers are down drastically, but A. We’re in the middle of the Summer Olympics, which is on the tube 24/7. That’s guaranteed to distract people from football. B. The Phillies are in the middle of a pretty intense playoff push. I’m as big of a football fan as there is out there, but I haven’t been as focused on the Eagles this summer. It will happen, but probably not until the regular season. Then, its game face time.

Speaking of the Eagles, Les Bowen gives watching points for tonight’s game against the Panthers. In response to his final query, any shred of relevant insight into how this team will actually look during the regular season would be spectacular.

The 700 Level is less than pleased with Jimmy Rollins, who called Philly fans “front-runners.” Oh, really Mr. J-roll? It’s like that? The 700 Level goes on to mention how we’ve been giving him slack for an underachieving season, though if you’ve been following The Pundit carefully, you know that might not be the case. (Editor’s note: Yes, he just linked to himself, and no, he’s not proud of it).

Check back with The Pun later tonight, some preseason liveblogging is about to go down (Editor’s note: Unless all of the cool kids are ignoring the Eagles now…)

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Filed under Eagles, MLB, NFL, Olympics, Phillies, Uncategorized

A few links

Alright, some required reading and/or video-watching.

First, you have to check out the video of the men’s 4×100 relay at www.nbcolympics.com. (You’ll have to go to the bottom of the page in the NBC encores and scroll to the right, the direct link to the video takes too long to load). Absolutely breathtaking final, best moment in the Olympics so far.

An American obsession returns. Madden’s coming back!

Jim Salisbury gives a good wrap-up of the Phillies-Pirates series, plus some potentially frightening news about the back of the bullpen.

Pretty good recap of the Eagles first preseason game against the Steelers over at The 700 Level.

Mike Vick might be playing in 2009…just not where you think. Peter King breaks that down and more in his MMQB.

Sports on the tube: you’ve got the Olympics all day, and then the Phillies start a roadtrip tonight against the Dodgers at 10:10 PM. Oh, and Cincinnati vs. Green Bay in preaseason football on ESPN at 8 PM.

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Filed under Eagles, MLB, NFL, Olympics, Phillies, Video Games

Heeeeeeeeeere’s The Pundit!

That’s right, everyone. It’s finally here. What you’ve all been waiting for…

The Pundit lives.

And what a wonderful time it is to be a sports fan. The baseball season is heating up, fantasy football leagues are having their drafts, the NFL Preseason has just started, College Football is a couple of weeks away, and the WNBA is in full force (cough). Though, I must admit, I feel as though I’m forgetting something…

Oh, right. The Olympics.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Pun, did you purposefully launch your site to coincide with the Summer Olympics? Aw jeez, you got me. I couldn’t resist – one giant celebration deserves another. I thought about debuting it last Friday, pairing it with the Opening Ceremony, but I didn’t want to detract attention from the quaint and subtle gathering the Opening Ceremony always is. (Editor’s note: Right, because there’s like 15 people reading this. And let’s be honest: the opening ceremony was pretty sweet. Click here for the highlights, find the opening ceremony link at the top). I love the Olympics; they’re kind of like the world’s version of a high school reunion. Everyone pretends to enjoy one another, acting as though they’ve moved beyond the slights of the past. All the countries strut around, showing off all of their accomplishments, secretly hoping the cool kids from back in the day are now pathetic and irrelevant. Oh, what’s that Britain? Only three medals? Wow, sorry to hear about that, you wanker bitches. (Editor’s note: All ethnocentric chest puffing aside, if you want Beckham back, he’s all yours. We’ll hold on to Victoria, though). Anyway, hooray Olympics. Hooray Sports. And welcome to The Pattison Pundit.

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