Tag Archives: New York

Election Liveblogging: Why the hell not?

Alright, alright, so the Presidential Election has nothing to do with sports. But hey, its all a game, right? I mean, there are a ton of races all over the country. (Editor’s note: Groan). Thus, I am committed to posting various games you can play during the election coverage, along with posting my comments on the Election coverage throughout the evening. Whoo-hoo! Hope you voted – wouldn’t want Puff Diddy to kill you, ya dig? (Editor’s note: Dude, Puff Diddy is a huuuuuuuuge douche. Ginormous, really.)

7:35 PM: Ok, the election coverage should provide great drinking games fodder. Several keywords or phrases to drink to: swing states, too close to call, exit polls, blue collar, Clinton, chads, hanging chads, Florida, Pennsylvania, Indiana, California, Ohio, New York, New Jersey, votes, polls, ballots, demographics, Joe the Plumber, change, campaign, contributions, pundits, historic, precinct, bloggers, analysts, electorates, battleground state, public financing, projection, etc. Maybe pick a few per person and have fun, damnit!

7:45 PM: ABC has an analyst named Cokie Roberts. However, I will be spelling it Cokey for the duration of this liveblogging, because that makes me smile, and grind my teeth a little bit, and suddenly want to dance to bad techno music. I just want to see Cokey flip out, stand up on her desk and start yelling. Hey hey hey I hope everyone got out and voted because its our national privilege and damnit that is so important it will be interesting to see how Indiana goes because you know Obama really wanted that state and he already got Vermont and that state has a lot of snow who said snow did I say snow who’s got a dollar bill I’m getting down during commercial break WHOO let’s get electing a president up in this bitch already!

8:31 PM: Looks like PA is going to go to Obama. Sweet. Though, I’m sure only 0.2% of the actual vote is in, so it’s still conjecture right now. Still, looks like PA is headed Obama’s way.

8:35 PM: The best part of watching this coverage is seeing how easily lumped together people become. First, we start with Men and Women. Then, we get to Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, etc. Then, it’s rural, suburban and city voters. Let’s not forget about the Gay men, straight men, gay women and straight women. Then, they break it down into friggin’ careers and occupations, for Chrissakes: the banking community, the farmers, the laborers, college students, etc. I would like to know how a Gay Jewish woman from Albuquerque, New Mexico, with 3.5 children who works at J.C. Penny during the day and is a cleaning lady at night because her bum of a husband walked out on her due to his love affair with Jim Beam is voting. (Editor’s note: I’m not even sure if the above situation is even scientifically possible…)

8:52 PM: CNN literally has layers of analysts, and a dizzying camera that is, for whatever reason, giving me the occasional lovely shot of the back of everyone’s heads. Necessary, guys? Oh, and James Carvel scares me.

8:55 PM: NBC has coverage of Mayor Nutter. At Finnigan’s Wake. Apparently, Nutter wants to watch the Election and pick him up some sorostitutes.

9:02 PM: According to Fox, McCain is “protesting” the Pennsylvania call. The McCain camp is protesting a projection. I mean, the manner in which we both conduct and cover our election process in this country is pure fucking spectacle.

9:52 PM: ABC’s coverage is so boring, it just put Cokie Roberts to sleep. (Editor’s note: Oh, gross, she’s foaming from the mouth – lightweight).

9:57 PM: Anybody know anything about any of the other people they voted for other than the President today? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

10:00 PM: Thank God the Comedy Central special with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert is starting. That other coverage was fucking killing me.

10:37 PM: And Fox has returned to Finnigans. It’s a shit-show, people – even the reporter is covered in beads.

10:43 PM: Colbert and Stewart should really work more together – they are absolutely hysterical. Brilliant banter and counterpoint.

11:11 PM: Barack Obama is being projected to be the 44th President of our United States of America. It’s just my own personal belief, but good work, America. You spoke loud and clear on this evening, and we shall see if Senator Obama can be the leader we all seem to think he can be. Your Pundit, signing out.

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The Pundit reaches out to Patriots fans

So, after one of the biggest Sundays in recent Philadelphia sports memory, I have chosen to write about the injury of Tom Brady? Listen: you watched the games. You know that the Eagles looked solid, and that while it was good that the Phillies took 2 of 3, a sweep would have been huuuuge. You are impressed with McNabb and DeSean and are trying to ignore the fact that the Rams are an absolutely terrible defensive team. You know you should be more excited about the Phillies, in the middle of a pennant push, but hey – football’s back. You’re a Philly fan; you know what you need to know about Sunday. So, I’m going a different route – I’m reaching out to a group of fans who are at a loss, who have just seen their Superbowl dreams go up in flames – New England Patriots fans.

If you don’t know by now (Editor’s note: And if you checked the links this morning, you know that even the Pope is aware of this), Tom Brady is done for the season. Cooked. Fin. I normally wouldn’t sympathize with New England fans. They fall in there with New York fans, D.C fans, Pittsburgh fans, Dallas fans and LA “fans.”

However, I am willing to ignore my normal stand of no compassion for New England/Boston fans because of their significant loss. I mean, not only did Patriots fans just lose their best player for the season, but they lost him in week one! They essentially lost any realistic Superbowl hopes at the very beginning of the season, a terribly anticlimactic and painful development for any NFL fan. Part of why we watch is because we hold out the hope that, however faint it may be, this could be our year. This could be the year we win it all. At some point, most fan bases realize their team doesn’t have a shot, but at least you get a couple of weeks to dream a bit.

And consider this – every year until Belichick and Brady retire, the Patriots will have to be considered a Superbowl threat. So it wasn’t as though Patriots fans had to realize the inevitable a bit earlier then they hoped; this Patriots team was still talented enough to win it all, and after the way last year ended for them, had a whole hell of a lot of motivation. Instead, many “experts” think they’ll now have to fight just to win their division. You know, the rugged AFC East, where the next best team is the Jets. Oh, that’s just painful.

So, with that in mind, I offer some tried and true Philadelphia coping mechanisms.

1. Give up all hope. Accept that your season has gone to hell. Now Pundit, I’m sure you are saying, that just sounds pessimistic. Maybe, but it goes deeper that that. If your team does start playing well again, it will be an awesome surprise. If they don’t, at least you were ready for the pain. It’s almost impossible to do this, but it will either keep you sane or make for a pleasantly exciting season.

2. Forget Tom Brady exists. Listen, Patriots fans, we know that Tom Brady was the love of your football lives. You’ll compare every quarterback you have ever had to him again. He’ll always be your first true love, we get it. But…think of it as though he’s taking an extended trip, like he’s going to Europe for a semester or something. You’re just on a break, that’s all. Whether its Matt Cassel or Chris Simms or Doug Flutie, they deserve a chance, they may be some fun, and this was how you met your love in the first place, wasn’t it?

3. Take pride in being a Patriots fan. Philly fans have this down to a science – we overcome constant failure and disappointment by remembering that we’re Philly fans. Philly fans show up. Philly fans root and scream and continue to care, even if we know we’re probably sunk. No team is going to change the kind of fans we are – our teams may consistently fall short, but we are always real, passionate, and obsessive fans. It means something to call yourself a Philly fan – it’s a commitment you don’t back down from.

4. Remember that you still have Randy Moss. He’s the most entertaining receiver to watch in the history of the NFL. He makes catches that I couldn’t have imagined before I saw him make them. He’s absolutely awesome to watch. Every time Donovan McNabb gets hurt, Eagles fans everywhere say a quick prayer, thanking God for Brian Westbrook. In Randy you must trust.

5. Do everything you can to win your fantasy league. It’s a healthy outlet to channel your pain. Scour the waiver wire. Propose countless trades. Mix and match lineups. Buy NFL Sunday Ticket if it helps. The best part of fantasy football is how engaged you become with the rest of the NFL. So, if the Patriots sink, don’t fret – just fantasy. Trust me, it will help.

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