Tag Archives: Michael Phelps

So Brett Favre is retiring, is he? Right…here are a few more things that might actually “happen”

So Mr. Favre is retiring…again. Right. I’ll believe it when the Jets (Editor’s note: Or Vikings and Bears, for that matter) take their first snap without him next season. It’s probably time that Brett “The Gritman” Favre took his leave – his last few years in the league have been clouded by too much controversy and conflict. It kind of hampered the whole “boyish exuberance” thing he had going for him out on the field.

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And that’s why we all loved him, wasn’t it?

So, in honor of Favre’s “retirement,” I’ve come up with some other news of the ol’ double-quote variety. We’ll call it the “Broken News.” In other words, here are some headlines that you would probably be wary of, and likely doubt almost instantly, were you to read them in the paper or on your computer. To the back page!

Pac-Man Jones claims he’s cleaned up act, changed lifestyle

O.J. Simpson swears he’s innocent

Of anything. It doesn’t matter what – you wouldn’t believe him. He could say he was black, and you wouldn’t believe him. Nope,  you would just shake your head at him in disappointed disbelief, the same way your grandparents did when they knew you were lying.

Accused Ballplayer X denies knowing substances were banned, insists everyone was doing it.

Eagles Front Office, Andy Reid says team is “close” Continue reading

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Donovan McNabb, and the “Clutch” Conversation

I spent a lot of time going through Donovan McNabb’s game logs, trying to decipher whether or not it was fair that McNabb is often described as a “choker.”

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And it was a truly silly endeavor.

See, losing is so damn easy. An example: week two against Washington in 2007. Eagles trail the ‘Skins 20-12, and march down the field. On fourth and six, McNabb throws a rocket to Kevin Curtis at the first down marker, who gets absolutely drilled by LaRon Landry and drops the pass. Game over.

Now tell me – whose fault was that? Continue reading

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The Week in Review

Every Sunday, I’ll give out a few awards / thoughts on the week that was. Let’s get to it.

The “No-show of the Week” goes to Kyle Kendrick. In two starts this week, Kendrick has lasted a total of 7 innings, allowing 13 runs (all earned) on 15 hits, 8 walks and one hit batter.  The Phillies lost both games.

The “Stud of the Week” goes to Michael Phelps. Duh. Normally, I’ll reserve the awards for Philly guys, but its pretty hard to ignore the man who took home 8 gold medals for the US swimming team, upping his Gold medal total to 14, and his total medal count to 16, both records for a male Olympian. Unbelievable.

The Pundit’s “All-encompassing Thought of the Week” is a thank you note to the Olympics.

“Dear Olympics,

I would just like to thank you for providing us with compelling storylines, exciting competitions, and breathtaking finishes. It has certainly been a memorable first week, and I am looking forward to even more world-class competition from the next. I would also like to thank you for distracting me from the Phillies 1-5 West Coast trip. If the Phillies have been like my wife for much of the summer (Editor’s note: Oh, that’s just sad), then you, the Olympics, have been like my bottle of Scotch.

Your Friend,

The Pattison Pundit”

The Pundit’s “Painfully Specific Thought of the Week” is for two Phillies, Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard. During this week’s West Coast trip, neither, on paper, has looked very effective. Rollins is 4-26, while Howard is 2-19 with 10 K’s. However, each have a job to do: Rollins is supposed to be getting on base and scoring runs, while Howard’s job is to knock runs in. Though it hasn’t been pretty, Howard has done his job, with 6 RBI’s. Rollins, on the other hand, has been less then productive. With 4 hits, 1 walk, 1 stolen base and only 2 runs scored, Rollins has not been setting the table during the Phillies struggles. To put that in perspective, Shane Victorino, who didn’t play one game against the Dodgers and only pinch-hit in another, has also reached base 5 times and scored twice – in 9 less at-bats.

The “Moment of the Week” goes to the US Men’s 4×100 freestyle relay team, specifically Jason Lezak’s anchor leg, where his 46.0 second split set a world record and completed a legendary comeback against the favored French team. Much discussion after the race was centered on Michael Phelps, and the preservation of his 8 Gold quest, but this moment far transcended that. Watching Phelps hysterically cheer on his teammate down the stretch, I got the impression that, though it may have been in the back of his mind, Phelps, like anyone watching, was competely lost in the drama of the moment. Lezak’s magical comeback was in many ways a metaphor for what sports often become: moments in time that represent the hopes and dreams of so many people. With his team’s finish on the line, with the possiblity of Olympic history for Michael Phelps on the line, with the chance to disprove the French’s predictions on the line, and with American Olympic lure on the line, Jason Lezak swam the leg of a lifetime. That’s the stuff of legend, folks.

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Filed under MLB, Olympics, Phillies

Missing Links

So, due to some extraneous circumstances this morning, I was unable to do the links (Editor’s note: The bastard overslept). Thus, you will be getting a special evening addition of the links (Editor’s note: We appreciate it, Dan Rather).

This Sixers inked Andre Iguodala. In the opinion of one humble Pundit, they grossly overpaid for a guy with limited handle and a mediocre jump shot, but I’m thinking somebody else was willing to compensate him, so the Sixers had to pony up. I’ll look for more on this as others start responding to the story.

Brodrick Bunkley gets jacked – the only thing they didn’t take was the tank in the back yard.

JIm Caple decides which sports hardware he’d most like to hoist. I agree with the ranking of the Heisman Trophy – I mean, athletes pose in its likeness during a celebration. I would go for the Stanley Cup second, if only to drink beer out of it.

An elbow dooms the US Men’s Soccer team against Nigeria.

Mark Spitz just wants to be there for Michael Phelps (cough).

Olympics and Phillies thoughts late night, Links tomorrow morning, and then I’ll be scoping the Eagles preseason game and throwing some thoughts out for that. Until then, The Pundit bids you Adieu.

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Filed under Eagles, General, MLB, NBA, NFL, Olympics, Phillies, Sixers

Olympic Liveblogging (cue the music)

8:16 PM: Just turned on the tube. Synchronized high diving. Thank friggin’ goodness I’m not missing this.

8:18 PM: I was hoping for a can opener. Or at least a cannon ball. (Editor’s note: Still waiting on the synchronized belly flop followed by the synchronized scream-of-agony).

8:24 PM: All of these dives look the same. Borrrrring. (Editor’s note: Groan).

8:26 PM: After two rounds of diving, the USA is in fifth. I think they need to bust out the flying egg.

8:34 PM: After three rounds, the USA is in eighth. Screw it, we would whup their asses in a chicken fight.

8:42 PM: I’ve got to be honest: I’ve been flipping to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas during commercials, and forgetting to come back. (Editor’s note: Synchronized drug use is just far more entertaining).

8:54 PM: Why is Cris Collinsworth covering The Olympics? He must not know what to do without the expert analysis of Dan Marino and Chris Carter. By the way, a truly heartwarming (cough) piece by Chris as he watches a Michael Phelps race with Phelps’ mom. What did I learn? Phelps’ ma likes to squeeze knees (she was squeezing Collinsworth’s knee) while she watches her son race. (Editor’s note: Ah, so that’s what you kids are calling it today).

9:01 PM: Sweet, beach volleyball. The American dudes vs. the Argentina dudes. Rogers and Dalhausser got this. Though, it always strikes me as somewhat odd that beach volleyball is an Olympic sport. I dunno, they already have regular volleyball, and beach volleyball has more of an X-Games feel (Editor’s note: Because its totally gnarly, brah).

9:11 PM: NBC just teased me by showing Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh getting ready for practice. They should just broadcast that.

9:14 PM: Oh snap, the announcer just made a Paleozoic reference insulting the Argentineans style of backing off of American spike attempts. Apparently, that style of play hasn’t been incorporated since the dinosaurs roamed the earth. In other news, that joke hasn’t been funny since the…well, never mind.

9:20 PM: So, Dalhausser’s nickname is “the thin beast.” I hate thin beasts – not only do they terrorize and destroy, but they make me feel so self-conscious (Editor’s note: Pilates could help with that).

9:35 PM: They can’t stop calling him “the thin beast.” It’s driving me crazy. They’ve used it at least eight times now.

9:37 PM: The announcer just said Dalhausser got his start in volleyball after “he started going into the gym and just pounding volleyballs.” Heh.

9:49 PM: My God, NBC is doing a “Panda baby making” segment. And it’s totally, completely sincere. I mean, Pandas are cool as hell, but I’m trying to watch some Olympics, not the process of force-mating Pandas. They even give the shy Pandas videos of other Pandas knocking bamboo – Panda Porn! (Editor’s note: What happened to romance?) Thanks, NBC, however would I learn about Chinese culture without these segments?

9:58 PM: Coming live from the pool in Beijing, it’s Rowdy Hicks. An American announcer named Rowdy Hicks? Too easy. (Actual Editing Note: It’s Dan Hicks and Rowdy Gaines. The Pundit heard wrong. He’s written letters of apology and been sent to his room).

10:16 PM: Really competitive Women’s 200 Meter Freestyle race, as Italy’s Federica Pellegrini takes the Gold. Katie Hoff from the US comes in 4th. Michael Phelps coming up next in the Men’s 200 Meter Butterfly. (Editor’s note: Act like you don’t have a man crush).

10:23 PM: And, as expected, Michael Phelps takes home the Gold. In World Record fashion. That’s his 10th Gold medal, the most in history. Congratulations Mr. Phelps, you are the most successful Olympian ever.

10:30 PM: Alright, The Woman’s Team Final in Gymnastics is about to get underway. Team America has a shot, though apparently the Chinese broads are the team to beat. Oh, we’ll see about that… (Editor’s note: Whoa there, Tonya Harding, just relax.)

10:36 PM: Yeah, there isn’t a chance in hell Deng Linlin is 16. I’ll give her 11, though I could have sworn I saw a missing tooth. Apparently, the Chinese Gymnastics team hired a special consultant – El Duque. (Editor’s note: Miguel Tejeda was taken – weightlifting).

10:58 PM: Alright, first ridiculous comparison of the night. Missed which ladies it was directed toward, but apparently we have two women gymnasts who are comparable to Batman and Robin. Yeah, not exactly sure how that works. (Editor’s note: It’s science.)

11:04 PM: So, you know at the end of a routine, when the announcer goes, “And here’s the dismount…Perfect!” Yeah, I can’t help but add to myself every time, “In bed. Heh heh.” (Editor’s note: More like, “And here’s the dismount…Premature!”)

11:17 PM: Great race in the Women’s 200 Meter IM as Stephanie Rice from Australia just inches out Kristy Coventry of Zimbabwe. And, as has been the theme in the pool, she sets the World Record.

11:22 PM: Paging Mr. Phelps. We have another medal for you, sir. Men’s 4×200 Freestyle Relay is underway.

11:29 PM: Wow, that was easy. The American team finishes in style, breaking the world record by 5 seconds, becoming the first team ever to finish under seven minutes. Phelps got them off to a nearly insurmountable lead. He’s out of this friggin’ world.

11:51 PM: Yeah, so I’m done for the night. Thanks for reading along, go USA!

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Filed under General, Live Blogging, Olympics