Tag Archives: Maurice Evans

WE ARE! Pretty stoned, mannnnn…

Well, Penn State will be a few key players short on Saturday. Instead of hitting the sleds, Maurice Evans, Abe Koroma and Andrew Quarless were hitting the bong. JoePa decided that it would be best to sit them for the week, before he, um, gathered all of the information.

“They’re all three good football players, they’re not bad kids,” Paterno said. “But you pay for it when you do dumb things. It’s something that they’ll be living with. … I feel sorry for them and I wish I could do something besides saying, ‘You’re going to sit out this week, ’til I get all the information.’ Because I don’t have it all.”

Because at Penn State, you are innocent until proven to be a college student who was smoking a bit of weed at a party, which, you know, is what college students do, but since the University makes a ridiculous amount of money from your athletic prowess they simply can’t have their own program being linked with these marijuana cigarette-smoking miscreants. Obviously, the cops knew this, and in a wonderful display of loyalty and duty, took immediate action to cease such behavior.

Police were called to the apartment Tuesday night after reports of a loud party. They obtained a search warrant and found a small amount of marijuana.

Okay, let me think back for a moment to the times I was at a party and the cops showed. Step 1 – they kick people out (Editor’s note: I’m assuming you all have guns and crack!). Step 2 – they ask for ID’s as kids scramble toward the doors, windows, closets, etc. Step 3 – They pull out the search warrants, bring out the sniffing dogs, and destroy the house until they find drugs. They rip open pillows, they poke into your cupcakes, they pull up floor boards, they even make you bend over so they can ensure that you don’t have any blow hidden up your ass (Editor’s note: Ahhhh, the good ol’ days). Step 3 is when the real CSI shit goes down. Wait a hoot…I don’t remember step 3 happening at all. Well that’s odd, isn’t it?

Remember, kids – smoking is bad, m’kay? If you smoke mar-i-juan-a, you won’t get to play in the big game, m’kay? Smoking is baaad.



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