Tag Archives: Lucy

The Heisman Trophy, or The Dating Game?

(Editor’s note: The Pundit had to run out of town, so his Heisman article is going to be replaced by his secretary Lucy’s experience on The Dating Game. Yeah, they brought it back. Here are the questions she proposed to her three mystery guys – maybe you can guess who they are. Good luck. )

Lucy: Contestant number one, what would we do on our first date?

Contestant Number One: Well, I really like to spread my money around, so I would take you to a really expensive restaurant. I’m a high-roller, that’s just my style. And I would probably buy you a gaudy, expensive gift and give it to you before dinner. Kind of like the 48 gifts I gave out to my teammates this season.

Lucy: Oooooh, I like the sound of that so far. Contestant Number Two, what is the first word you would use to describe yourself, and why?

Contestant Number Two: Consistent. When I say I’m going to do something, I do it, and I do it well. You always know what you are going to get from me, and I almost always deliver it. Kind of like how I delivered and completed 77.6 percent of my passes this season.

Lucy: I like a man I can count on. Contestant Number Three, I also like a man who has goals to reach. What are some of the goals you’ve already reached, and which do you have left to accomplish?

Contestant Number Three: Well, actually Lucy, I already won this contest last year. Let’s just say I offered things that had never been offered before, if you catch my drift. I would love to win again this year, but I have my goals set higher these days. After a rough trip to Mississippi, I decided that I was going to be the best I could, and that my team had better follow suit. I think they’ll tell you that I did my part, only throwing two interceptions all season.

Lucy: Contestant Number Three, you seem like a leader. Is that true, and what makes you a good leader?

Number Three: I try to be the best leader I can be. I think my versatility, durability, poise and passion for what I do translate to success. Many times, my coaches have said that I don’t always put up the best numbers, but there is something about the way I work that is just special. They say I have “it.” I appreciate the compliment, but really, I’m just trying to do my best. And I don’t think that accounting for 40 total touchdowns and 3,079 total yards from scrimmage is all too shabby, either.

Lucy: Sounds to me like you are a winner, Number Three. Contestant Number Two, let’s say we were on a date, and Contestant Number One came up and started hitting on me. What would you do?

Number Two: I would take him outside, man-to-man, head-to-head, and I would whip his sorry butt, that’s what I would do. And if he brought his boys, I’d bring mine, and me and my boys would whip all their butts! And we would be the better men for it, even if no one gave us credit for doing so.

Lucy: Oh, an old-fashioned, rugged man. You sound a little bit dangerous, Number Two, and it turns me on. Contestant Number One, do you think Contestant Number Two could kick your butt?

Number One: Maybe a few months ago, yeah, I’ll bet he could have. But right now, I think I would whup his tail. Me and my boys have been kicking a lot of butt lately. We’ve outscored our last five opponents 316-139, scoring over 60 in each of them. All knockouts, by the way. And against some pretty good opponents, including the second-ranked team in the country. Me and the boys, we’ve gotten tougher.

Lucy: I’m a knock-out myself. Think you could last a few rounds with me?

Number One: Oh, I think so. I’m a high-roller, baby – I know how to treat a woman. And I don’t let up when I get going. Kind of like how I’ve thrown for 4,464 yards this season – I never take it easy. The gifts keep on coming when you roll with me.

Lucy: I’ve got to say, you are very flashy, Number One – you know what a girl likes, and you seem to deliver it. I’m very impressed by all of the numbers you throw around. Contestant Number Two, you don’t seem as flashy – how do you compete with all of those numbers?

Number Two: You may not always get the gaudy gifts from me, but I’ll do anything it takes to make you happy. Ask my teammates – I’ve accounted for 4,021 total yards from scrimmage this year, and 576 of them I rushed for own my own. Which, by the way, is more than Contestant Number Three rushed for. That, and I accounted for 42 total touchdowns, while completing all of those passes. And truthfully, I don’t think I was working with quite the playmakers that the other two contestants had.

Lucy: Nobody has to hold your hand, Number Two. You sure do handle your business. Contestant Number Three, any retort to what Contestant Number Two just said?

Number Three: Let’s just say that I’m doing my job in a much tougher neighborhood then these two are. Neither one faced the type of defenses I faced. In fact, I played against six top-25 defenses this year, and nine in the top 30. In my six games against top-25 defenses, I led my team to a 5-1 record. I threw for 13 touchdowns, ran for another four, and didn’t throw a single interception in those games. My opponents may have put up fun numbers, but they received very little resistance. Contestant Number one only played against one top-25 defense, and only three of his opponents were even ranked, defensively, in the top 50. And Contestant Number Two didn’t even play a single top-50 defense!

Lucy: Hard to argue with. Got anything, Contestant Number Two?

Number Two: Well, they say the best defense is a good offense. In my league, offense ruled the day, and I put up a whole lot of it. The defenses may not have been good, but you still had to outscore the other offense. And honestly, my 4,021 total yards, 42 touchdowns, and 77.6 completion percentage trumps your 3,079 total yards, 40 total TD’s and 64.9% completion percentage. Easily.

Number Three: How about the five less interceptions I threw, finishing the season with an unheard of two? I only threw two interceptions this year!

Number Two: Sure, you threw five less interceptions – in 107 less passing attempts!

Lucy: Okay, guys, hold on, all of these numbers are starting to confuse me…

Number One: Numbers? You two want to talk about numbers? Ahahaha, I destroy each of you in the numbers department. I threw for 4,464 yards, more than either of you accounted for running and passing, combined. I tossed 48 TD passes, and ran for five more. I only threw six interceptions in 442 attempts, and I completed 68.3 percent of my passes. Neither of you can touch me in numbers.

Lucy: No more talking about numbers! I can’t take it anymore! It’s about more than numbers. It’s about more than where your team finished in the standings. And yes, it’s more than whether or not you seem to have that special “it” factor. See, when I pick a man, I look for diversity. Sure, I like the nice things in life, like a man with a nice car and house, one that buys me a bunch of nice gifts. What girl wouldn’t like that?

But I also like a man I know has survived the tough times, is battle-tested. I don’t want somebody who accomplishes a lot when he isn’t offered resistance, then folds when the sledding gets tough. And I like a man who does a lot on his own, and finds creative ways to overcome the challenges he faces. So with that, I’ve made my decision, and trust me, it was tough. Contestant Number Two, I choose you!

Colt McCoy: Yesssssss! It isn’t a shot for the National Championship, but I’ll take it. I would like to thank…

Lucy: Shut up Colt, I’m not done yet. Contestant Number One, Mr. Sam Bradford, you put up ridiculous numbers, I won’t deny that. But you also had more playmakers to work with than the other two guys, and their versatility, being able to beat teams both through the air and on the ground, makes them more well-rounded players than you. Maybe you’re a better quarterback, but I think they are better players, and the Heisman is supposed to go to the best player in the country. Sorry, Sam.

As for you, Number Three, Mr. Tim Tebow, it was very tough not giving you this award again. You have sacrificed some of your own personal stats to become a better game-manager, and you were a very good one. 40 total touchdowns with only two interceptions is incredible, and I congratulate you on an amazing season.

But Mr. McCoy’s numbers trumped your own, and his leadership, versatilaty, and value to his team trumped the advantage Mr. Bradford had over him in the statistics department. Accounting for 4,021 yards, 576 of them on the ground, and 42 total touchdowns, is very impressive. Completing 77.6 percent of all your passes is absolutely unbelievable, and that paired with your paltry seven interceptions leads me to believe that you would have performed well against tougher defenses.

You were a game-manager at all times, and a playmaker when your team needed one. You were one ridiculous touchdown catch away from leading your team to the National Championship Game. And no, that game wasn’t on a neutral field, it was on the road. To me, you were the most complete football player of the three in the Heisman running, and hence, you were my choice. Whew…I’m spent. Okay – who wants to buy me a drink?

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The push to the MLB playoffs: the tale of one city, and the fail of another

I. Philadelphia

Watching the Phillies tonight, I observed in myself a strange phenomenon. (Editor’s note: He wasn’t wearing any pants). I wasn’t concerned. I wasn’t flipping my shit that they were losing 10-4. It wasn’t bothering me that they were about to drop two against the Braves and lose the series. I was watching the entire game in an almost zen-like state, as though there was little in the outside world that was going to shake my unwavering belief that the Phillies were still going to make the playoffs.

This worried me.

This isn’t a Philadelphia attitude. Now, I don’t want to pigeonhole every Philadelphia fan into one attitude – that’s far too simplistic. But I don’t think you can deny that a large population of Philly fans watch every game with a certain amount of tension and doubt; countless failures will do that to a fan base. And truthfully, I have always felt that Philadelphia teams played at their best when they were left for dead and had to play catch-up, especially the Phillies. It was as though they themselves were motivated by the very tension that regularly adds years to the lives of Philly fans.

Some may say that this is a sign of inexperience, and that may be true. In Philly, we call it character. (Editor’s note: And anybody that says otherwise is a frickin’ schmuck, ya know whadda mean?) We’re not used to being the front runner, no matter what J-Roll says. Had I, after the Phillies swept the Brewers and started their hot streak, suddenly been lulled into a false sense of security?

And, more alarming then this, had the Phillies themselves done the same thing? Had they lost their urgency?

This didn’t seem right. I still worry about every game the Phillies play. I don’t take any NL East teams lightly, and I’m certainly worried about the pesky Nationals. I dreaded seeing the Marlins, and though I believed the Phillies would play better against the Braves, I knew they were no joke. So I hadn’t somehow developed the idea that the Phillies, of their own volition, were guaranteed to make the playoffs. Something else was keeping me cool and relaxed.

I didn’t realize what it was until I flipped to ESPN after the Phillies game.

II. New York

I won’t go into the nitty-gritty of the Mets-Cubs game. All I really need to illustrate my point is the bottom of the ninth inning, game tied at six. David Murphy had led off the inning with a triple, and the Mets seemed destined to take the game and slide 1/2 game behind the Phillies. A sacrifice fly or a well-placed hit would score the winning run. And they couldn’t do it. David Wright, in my opinion the Mets best player, and one of the best all-around players in baseball, struck out. After two intentional walks, the Mets only managed a grounder to second for a force at the plate, and another strike-out. The Cubs scored three in the next inning, and won the game.

And suddenly, it hit me – my feeling of zen was completely derived from my complete lack of faith in the Mets ability to win a big game. After Aramis Ramirez hit his two-run homer to extend the lead to 9-6 in the top of the 10th, I literally laughed out loud. (Editor’s note: Lucy, grab the haloperidol, pronto). Not in a mocking sort of way, but more like how you laugh when you have an epiphany and suddenly everything seems right with the world again.

And you know, for the briefest of moments, I truly felt for Mets fans. I know that sinking feeling they have in their gut; that feeling was a fairly regular part of my adolescence supporting Philadelphia teams. Yet this feeling was quickly replaced by a far more sinister realization – I enjoyed watching the Mets blow this game almost as much as I do watching the Phillies win one. Maybe that’s unsportsmanlike, I don’t know, but its also the nature of rivalries, and this has certainly become one.

III. Conclusion

So, in thinking about this, I have decided that I would like to take Mr. Met out to the bars and buy him exactly two beers. Beer one – the “I’m sorry this happened to you” beer. I recognize the plethora of unrecognized potential in the Mets, and how this often leads them toward a spiral of heart-wrenching failure. Cheer up, Mr. Met – someday, somewhere over the rainbow, they may figure it out.

But beer two is an “I appreciate you” beer. You may be trapped in a whirlwind of your own underachievement, but thanks for being such a good friend. When I need something, like a loss that keeps you a game back of the Phillies in the loss column and ties you in the wildcard standings with the Brewers, you always come through. You’re a good friend, Mr. Met, and I drink to you.

Fear the Nationals, Phillies fans. But thank God for the Mets.

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The Pundit vs. T.O.

So, T.O. said something and included Donovan McNabb in the words he used. Which, of course, means that the media needs to write about it, sound byte it, and giggle in private places about having something to discuss. (Editor’s note: T.O.’s quotes are sooooo dreamy). That being said, I couldn’t resist taking a look at some of his recent comments, and he didn’t disappoint. I decided to take the Fire Joe Morgan route on Mr. Owens and his quotes. To the roasting! (Editor’s note: All quotes are from The Dallas Morning News).

T.O. acknowledges that he should have done some things differently in Philadelphia, but he pinned the blame for his bitter divorce from McNabb on the QB’s fragile ego.

“We obviously could have done some great things together,” T.O. said after the TV cameras had left his locker, “but it wasn’t me letting my pride get in the way.”

Um, actually it was all about you. Were you an amazing player for the Eagles? Yeah, no doubt about that. But hadn’t the Eagles just restructured your deal and done battle with the Baltimore Ravens to get you here, which was what you wanted? Yup. So, you couldn’t have played ball for one more year, put up big numbers and then bitched if they didn’t show you the money? Nope, you had to make personal attacks against McNabb and sabotage the season to get what you wanted. I hope it was you letting your pride get in the way, because otherwise, you’re just an anarchist lunatic. (Editor’s note: Lucy, The Pundit needs Xanax, pronto! Just start dumping the bottle down his throat!)

T.O. didn’t have to be probed much to give his opinion on why his relationship with McNabb went sour. He was asked whether Tony Romo was the first quarterback to really get him.

“Well, I was really thinking that was the case in Philly before I think the fans and just the excitement of me coming there and being there, it became too overwhelming for Donovan,” T.O. replied. “Other than that, I think at one point in time I will say that we had a good relationship. I think I got too big for Philly, too big for him. But here, Tony and I have a great relationship.”

Yeah, McNabb couldn’t handle having another popular kid in class. He just can’t deal with adversity, that guy. Don’t you remember how he cried like a little bitch when he got booed on draft day? Oh, right, that didn’t happen. Forgot about that. But, he’s been super jealous of all of the success Brian Westbrook has had, that’s been super obvious, you know? Oh, wait, haven’t really noticed that happening, either. And the idea that T.O. got too big for Philly? What does that mean? Did his ego get too big for Philly, because then I would agree with him. And when did he get too big for McNabb? I’d love to go back in time and ask people who they thought the most indispensable player on that team was, because I’d venture that their response would be McNabb. Remember, the Eagles made their playoff run without T.O. in the lineup.

But he sensed the relationship changing during the 2004 season, which ended with T.O. making a miraculous return from injury to put up big numbers in a Super Bowl loss to the Patriots – and later pointing out that McNabb was vomiting during the Eagles’ final drive.

“I think everybody knows without harping on it too much,” T.O. said. “It is what it is. I can only do so much. Everywhere that I’ve gone, the cameras follow me. I’m going to get a great deal of fan support and a fan base.

“As I mentioned in the conference call [with Philadelphia media] earlier, I can remember being in that stadium and hearing them chanting my name. That couldn’t bode well for Donovan to hear that. It was an every-week thing.”

Back to the popularity contest, eh? But let’s think like T.O. for a second. Imagine you are T.O., and somebody else’s name is being “chanted in the stadium.” That would really piss you off. You wouldn’t know how to handle the attention being given to someone else. It would drive you absolutely crazy inside. Hey, hey you guys, look at me guys, I’m really special too, please pay attention to ME!  LOVE ME, DAMNIT! ME ME ME! So, isn’t it logical that everybody would think this way? This must be the response that Donovan would have, right? RIGHT? (Editor’s note: Lucy, forget about The Pundit for a second, I’ve got a wicked headache from all of this silliness. Could you grab me a bottle of Tylenol or something – yeah, I’ll just swallow the whole bottle, thanks).

“I honestly can say that Donovan made me a better receiver in Philly,” T.O. said, “but I think it would be hard for him to admit that I made him a better quarterback.”

Yes, Donovan had his best statistical season ever with T.O. around. He had career highs in completion percentage (64%), yards (3875), TD’s (31) and passer rating (104.7). But, this is actually a bit more philosophical than the numbers. T.O. certainly made Donovan’s job easier. Hell, he made the other receiver’s jobs easier, attracting double teams. But McNabb still had to make his reads, distribute the ball, and run when necessary. He didn’t make Donovan a better quarterback so much as he made it so Donovan didn’t have to be “the man” all of the time. They were a good pair, and I don’t think the Donovan would deny he played some of his best football with T.O.

Listen, all of this is just silly. I know what T.O. is doing here – he’s hyping a primetime, nationally televised game. This is standard boxing-promotion, Don King jibberish. T.O. is just stirring the pot to peak the intrigue of this game. I get that. And, quite frankly, I felt a bit silly responding his quotations; I’m just falling into his lap that way. (Editor’s note: Um…ah, never mind). But, the thing is, this game doesn’t need any hype! The ratings for this game will be huge no matter what T.O. says. And don’t you think it’s just a bit odd that T.O. would go after McNabb in the media again after DNabb had as big of a game as he just did? Like somehow his little jabs might get in Donovan’s head? It’s just so childish. Keep Donovan’s name outta your mouth, T.O. – there’s no need for this. You may be an entertainer, and some of your stunts are pretty good (Editor’s note: I thought the Usain Bolt bit last weekend was pretty funny myself), but that doesn’t give you a license to do or say anything you damn please. Here in Philly, we may be hard on Donovan, but that’s a family thing. You don’t get to talk shit about family, Mr. Owens, especially when we invited you to dinner and you were totally gracious during the feasting, until you had a few too many drinks and trashed the house. We don’t really want to hear your opinion about our house anymore. You can try to chip away at Donovan’s good guy reputation all you want, but your track record speaks for itself – if it looks like an ego-maniac, and it smells like an ego-maniac, its probably an ego-maniac.

Donovan, keep quiet, stay focused, and tear the Cowboys up. Do what you normally do – let your play speak for itself. And T.O, if you feel the need to play the villain in order to hype up the game, then so be it – I respect the fact that you apparently do not care in the least what people think of you. Reminds me of the scene in Scarface, where Pacino gives the genius speech about everyday people needing to define the “bad guys” (Editor’s note: You need people like me!). But then again, Tony Montana really was a pretty unsavory guy – are you, Mr. Owens?

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The Pundit List presents: Essential Picnic Games

So, after a lengthy argument with my secretary Lucy about the most engaging number of candidates for a list (she argued five, while your Pundit valiantly made the case for ten), I have decided that every week, the list will be as short or as long as I damn please. If I come up with a list that has multiple worthy candidates, the list will be long. If, however, the list has a few candidates that stand above and beyond the rest, the list will be more concise. No longer will I be constrained by society’s need for a fixed list limit; I refuse to live by the whims of dominant culture. I have made my stand, and I shall not waver (Editor’s note: For Chrissakes, just shut the hell up already and get to the list).

Honorable Mention:

Frisbee – The difficulty with frisbee is that, while it is an essential item to any picnic, it is normally not an essential picnic game. You’re more likely to see a couple of people lazily flicking the frisbee back and forth to one another. But you’re less likely to see Uncle Frank, who hasn’t run since Vietnam and seems to be hiding a small child in his stomach, out in the field playing Ultimate Frisbee. See trampoline and slip-and-slide.

Number 7

Sack-0 – Aka bean bag toss, tailgate toss, baggo, sacks and holes (Editor’s note: heh), cornhole (Editor’s note: heh heh), and tea bagging (Editor’s note: Ahahahahahahahaha). Seriously, these are all of the different names Wikipedia has for what I know to be Sack-O. This game is essential for several reasons: anybody can play, it is cheap and easy, and it involves minimal effort. Some may be more likely to include this as a tailgating game, but I think it definitely falls under picnic game status as well.

Number 6

Wiffle Ball – Everyone has played themselves a little wiffle ball. It is a frustrating game, as that darn ball can fly all over the place, but wiffle ball is the closest, and safest (Editor’s note: At least for Mom’s windows) alternative to baseball. The great part about picnic wiffle ball is that, while the men will bring their beers and act casually in the beginning of the game to allow the younger kids to shine, by the end of the game, they’re swinging hard and wipping the wiffle ball all over the place. Cheap, and you can play as long as you have a couple of people.

Number 5

Bocce Ball – This Italian game has seemed to increase in popularity in the past few years. Bocce ball is great, because you only need some balls, an open field, and a few people (Editor’s note: Um, maybe he could have worded that differently). I have to be honest here – I’ve never played. It looks fun, but it was never really played in my family, so I’m not sure if this ranking would be higher were I more experienced in the game. That being said, Bocce Ball is certainly a riser in the picnic world, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it crack the top three in the next couple of years (Editor’s note: Oh brother).

Number 4

Quoits – Prounounced quates, quoits is a classic game that apparently has its roots in ancient Greece. I got that from Wikipedia, so you know its written in stone (Editor’s note: I understand that this phrase probably dates back to Moses and The Ten Commandments being etched in stone, I get that. But, if we were to update the implication of this saying, the only time we now write in stone is for gravestones. So, essentially, the modern translation of this phrase means not that something is sacred and irrefutable, but rather that it is dead. Who wants to ride in my new soapbox?). Check out the bottom of the article on quoits, it says that nowadays, it is most widely played in eastern Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Booyah! Quoits is simple, relaxing, anybody can play, and its often hours of fun. It drops to four because its cousin, horseshoes, is just a bit more popular.

Number 3

Kickball – Is there a game on this list more fun than kickball? Obviously up for debate, but I love kickball. You can play with a large group of people, or with a few scattered all over the field. It can be played casually, or can become a serious battle. It’s fun seeing the older folks get out there, especially when they realize that every kick could be their last. Simple enough for supplies, and nature will often supply the bases, though for kickball aficionados, the ball itself must be just right (Editor’s note: By the way, if you are a kickball aficionado, it may be time to do a bit of soul-searching). Every child, at some point or another, has played kickball. From recess and right on to this list on essential picnic games, kickball is as American as baseball, apple pie and the addictive reliance on oil.

Number 2

Horseshoes – You can always tell the difference between someone who is a regular picnic host, and someone who just throw one now and again. Check out the size of the grill – that’s always a hint (Editor’s note: It’s not the size of the grill that matters…its the BBQ sauce you use). Do they have a pool? How about tiki torches? And do they have a horseshoe pit? Without a doubt, horseshoes is an essential picnic game. Though many will argue that quoits, or even Sack-O, are acceptable replacements for Horseshoes, I firmly believe that most will first think horseshoes if you ask them to think of a picnic game that involves object-throwing. That, and like quoits, it goes back to ancient Greece, though it is less likely they played it at picnics, and more likely that they played it during grown men/young boy mixers. (Editor’s note: Oh, that’s just messed up). Who doesn’t have fond memories of uncles and grandpa’s and fathers out throwing horseshoes, drinking beer and smoking cigars and making jokes the women and children weren’t supposed to hear, all while somehow making sure lil’ Tommy didn’t run into the middle of the game and take a horseshoe to the eye? Two stakes, some sand, a couple of horseshoes, a few beers and a hot afternoon – does life get better?

Drum roll please. Without further ado, here’s……….

Number 1

Volleyball – I knew that horseshoes and volleyball were going to wage war for the top spot, and it was an extremely difficult decision. While horseshoes have a more distinct picnic game feel to them, volleyball involves more people and is just a bit more fun. What makes picnic volleyball great is the dynamic between the people who enjoy playing seriously and the people who either aren’t very good or who are lazy and/or old. In my family, games end up becoming mildly competitive affairs where anybody making a mistake will quickly fall prey to an entire picnic of hecklers. Seriously, at our last family picnic, everybody not playing pulled up their chairs and made fun of everyone after they made a mistake. I felt like I was at a friggin’ Eagles game. The games always end up being a mix of younger kids and older folks, with breaks for beer replenishment and the occasional run to the slip-and-slide. In my opinion, more than any other game on this list, volleyball is a must for any gathering that dares to call itself a picnic.

Obviously, the list is up for debate. Feel free to send your thoughts, everybody picnics a bit differently, I’m interested to hear how you roll.

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The Week in Review

No Show of the Week

The last time I saw Pat Burrell, he was on the back of a milk carton. Here’s what he has done for us this week: 4-32 (.125 BA) with one walk, 1 RBI and 8 K’s. Not exactly the type of production you want from the guy batting third in your lineup. The team’s production has seemed to improve since Manuel started batting Utley second, but Burrell’s production has dipped. Two lineups I would consider (Editor’s note: Just in case, you know, Charlie Manuel is reading this): Rollins Utley Burrell Howard Werth Victorino Feliz Coste/Ruiz or Rollins Werth Utley Howard Burrell Victorino Feliz Coste/Ruiz. Victorino doesn’t quite have the pop I like to see protecting Howard.

Stud of the Week

This was apparently redemption week for two prominent Phillies: Brett Myers and Jimmy Rollins. Myers, in two starts, looked like this: 14 innings pitched, 20 hits, 3 walks, but only 3 runs with 16 K’s. Myers is letting guys get on base, but he’s leaving them there. Seems like he’s maintaining his focus, instead of psyching himself out when he gives up a few hits. It hasn’t been pretty, but the Phillies have won his last two starts. As for Mr. Rollins, his week looked like this: 13-30 (.433 BA), 4 walks, 3 runs, 3 doubles, 1 triple, 1 HR, 6 steals. That’s a ridiculously good week, and if Jimmy has a big September, as he’s been apt to do, the Phillies may find themselves playing in October again (Editor’s note: THERE’S ONLY ONE OCTOBER! Well, at least every year. Happens the same time each year, actually. Right after September. Check it out, its true, get a calender or something, its there. Seriously. THERE’S ONLY ONE OCTOBER!)

The All-Encompassing Thought of the Week

This isn’t a Philly thought, but I haven’t addressed it yet, so here goes: Chad Johnson is nuts. Oh wait, I’m sorry, I meant to say Chad Ocho Cinco. Yup, he legally changed his name. The worst part is, I don’t even think its the correct translation of 85. That would be ochenta y cinco. I refuse to call him this – from now on, he will be referred to on this site as The Human Being Formerly Known as Chad Johnson, THBFKCJ for short. (Editor’s note: I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain). Be forewarned, as I may be about to blow this way out of proportion, but I think this is reflective of sports these days, in that its seems as though we are straying so far away from the game itself. I know, I know, at the end of the day, it’s a business, and THBFKCJ is just marketing himself. And I recognize the inherent irony in addressing THBFKCJ’s decision to change his name. I’m playing into his marketing ploy to keep himself in the spotlight. Whatever. When you are willing to change your name to the improper Spanish translation of your football number in order to market yourself, something sad has just occurred. If he ever gets traded, will he change his first name to the team he was traded to? Would you root for Eagles Ocho Cinco? Will people start changing their names to advertise products? (Editor’s note: Hi, I’m Zim Crack Cream, and I have a drinking problem. Hi, Zim.) I know how the old saying goes – what’s in a name? Apparently, not dignity. Okay, enough ranting, I have to go get a “Love Classified” tattooed on my forehead so I can pick up chicks at bars. (Editor’s note: How is he going to fit “Enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and weeping profusely during ‘The Notebook'” on his forehead?)

My Painfully Specific Thought of the Week

It just seems as though the Phillies can’t get everybody working well at the same time. They’re kind of like that problem car you had, where you would get the brakes fixed, then the steering alignment would go wacky. (Editor’s note: Plus, the AC didn’t work and the head unit got jacked, so you had to drive with the windows down and sing without the radio to stay entertained but you’d forget to shut up at red lights and stop signs and everybody in the vicinity of your car thought you were insane…obviously, I’m speaking of a theoretical situation). For a while, the bullpen was this team’s saving grace. Though they performed admirably against the Mets in the crazy comeback game, pitching 10 friggin’ innings, they blew leads the next two nights (the Aramis Ramirez grand slam was just disheartening). The starting pitching has really picked up, as Myers has found his game again and Blanton has been a steady contributor, and the lineup is producing once more. So, what’s it going to be, bullpen? Are the ol’ arms just a bit sore after being overworked? Or is it your turn to let the team down? (Editor’s note: Lucy, hold the Xanax, but maybe just give the Pundit a hug – yeah, he’s going half-empty on us right now).

Moment of the Week

Easily the Phillies Tuesday night/Wednesday morning defeat of the Mets. I mean, a 7 run comeback against the Mets is cool enough as it is, but this game was absolutely crazy. 10 innings of scoreless relief by the bullpen. Carlos Ruiz manning the hot corner. Jimmy Rollins going 5-7 with a homer, 3 RBI’s and 3 steals. Chris Coste going 4-4 after entering the game in the 8th. Clay Condrey getting a rally-starting, broken-bat double in the fifth. Pinch hit appearances by Cole Hamels and Brett Myers, who was specifically instructed not to swing with the bases loaded and nobody out in the bottom of the 13th. Eric Bruntlett’s game-tying double in the bottom of the ninth. Coste’s game-winner in the 13th. The Mets walking two consecutive batters after Shane Victorino’s triple in the 13th, knowing the pitcher’s spot was coming up and the Phillies were out of position players. I know that they lost three games in a row after this one, but if they make the postseason again this year, I think this will be the game fans look back on as one of the definitive games of the year. It was awesome, one of the craziest games I have ever watched.

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