Oh, boy. I don’t need this nonsense before the season even begins. Apparently, Cole Hamels has a sore left elbow. Crap. Probably nothing serious, but just to be sure, repeat after me.
Please don’t let the elbow of Cole Hamels be seriously injured. C’mon, Big Fella – he’s our star pitcher. I know that You were more than kind to our Phillies last year, especially the pitching staff. You gave Brett Myers a second chance, and You’ve let Jamie Moyer continue to pitch successfully since the day he helped Noah build the ark, and You even blessed Brad Lidge with perfection. We are forever indebted for the parade You gave us last season. We don’t mean to be greedy and ask for another, it’s just that…well, sometimes it seems like the Eagles worship a God of Green, and the Sixers seem to need a bit more than a miracle, and I’ve heard that even You don’t watch hockey much. By the way, when are you going to make Martin Brodeur retire? I mean, he plays on the Devils, for God’s…um, for Pete’s sake. So please, if you could find it in Your divine and giving heart to ensure that his elbow is sore and nothing else, I would really appreciate it. Oh, and, you know, if You get bored or something, maybe have a Saturday afternoon without much to do, could You maybe help a guy to step up and take this fifth-starter spot as well? That would really be great. Thank you for your blessings,