Seeing as the Mets are moving into their new digs over at Citi Field, it seemed only fitting to buy them – and their lovely fans – some housewarming gifts. For starters, every new home should have a bookshelf brimming with quality works. Here’s a few must-haves I picked up for them.
Those should start them off nicely. Of course, every new home needs a place for guests to wipe their feet – maybe I should pick out a new Welcome Mat for Citi Field. Will this do?
I just really want to spoil the Mets, I truly do. So what’s next? Well, a nice bottle of alcohol is always a grand gesture.
Normally, I wouldn’t give somebody a bottle of champange as a housewarming present. I’d get them some Grey Goose or something. But – and don’t tell the Mets this, please – I still have a lot of champagne lying around. I sure don’t need it all. Besides, when’s the last time they had any champagne over there? I’m sure they’ll enjoy it.
Here I found a wonderful keepsake, a darling little piece of memorabilia to proudly display wherever they see fit.
Oooh, and look at this instant classic I’ve added to their wardrobe:
Of course, any new home needs some artwork. Take a look at this breathtaking beacon of minimalistic genius.
But what great piece of art could be properly understood without rigorous study? Indeed, I felt I would offer the Mets the gift that keeps on giving – education. And so, I was able to pull a few strings and enroll them in this university of higher learning:
Ah, the intellectual pursuit; without it, we will surely fall short, time and time again.
And finally, one last piece. I can hardly believe I was able to find it, but sure enough, I tracked it down. This will look absolutely stunning on the Mets’ mantle. Sure, it’s only a replica, but no matter – it truly catches the eye.
Gosh, isn’t that gorgeous? Who wouldn’t want that?
Well, that’s it for the housewarming gifts. I sure did spoil them, didn’t I? But then again, the Mets always seem to reward the hard work of the Phillies by consistently accommodating their hopes and dreams. We always have high expectations for our Phils, and the Mets staunchly refuse to stand in their way. Thanks guys, and I hope you enjoy these gifts.
You’ve earned them.