So Mr. Favre is retiring…again. Right. I’ll believe it when the Jets (Editor’s note: Or Vikings and Bears, for that matter) take their first snap without him next season. It’s probably time that Brett “The Gritman” Favre took his leave – his last few years in the league have been clouded by too much controversy and conflict. It kind of hampered the whole “boyish exuberance” thing he had going for him out on the field.
And that’s why we all loved him, wasn’t it?
So, in honor of Favre’s “retirement,” I’ve come up with some other news of the ol’ double-quote variety. We’ll call it the “Broken News.” In other words, here are some headlines that you would probably be wary of, and likely doubt almost instantly, were you to read them in the paper or on your computer. To the back page!
Pac-Man Jones claims he’s cleaned up act, changed lifestyle
O.J. Simpson swears he’s innocent
Of anything. It doesn’t matter what – you wouldn’t believe him. He could say he was black, and you wouldn’t believe him. Nope, you would just shake your head at him in disappointed disbelief, the same way your grandparents did when they knew you were lying.
Accused Ballplayer X denies knowing substances were banned, insists everyone was doing it.
Eagles Front Office, Andy Reid says team is “close”
McNamee shows court underwear Clemens wore while getting HGH injections, claims they contain trace amount of ‘roids
Stephon Marbury insists he has “turned a new leaf”
Cubs poised for World Series run
Terrell Owens swears he won’t be a distraction, focused on “just playing football”
Al Davis has Raiders moving in right direction
Beltran, other Mets say choking days are “history”
Manny Ramirez close to signing deal, Boras no longer trying to save face in negotiations
Donovan McNabb…
Nah, I think I’ll just leave him alone.
University Presidents applaud BCS, say refusal to go to playoff system “isn’t about the money”
Jose Canseco makes brash allegations…
Wait a second – has Jose Canseco suddenly become the voice of reason? Good God, our world is upside down.
Bears aren’t worried about QB situation, confident in Orton’s ability
Bobby Petrino “perfectly satisfied to stay put”
Michael Phelps says he never inhaled, denies wishing he did
Wait…do I have the right guy here? Phelps plays the Sax, right?
Ocho Cinco swears off theatrics: “I have no more cards up my sleeve”
College Player X claims he never accepted gifts, says impoverished mother bought him Escalade with “life savings”
Burress joins Mothers Against Guns, hints that Marvin Harrison is considering membership
And finally…
National Media recognizes Philly fans, never mentions Santa Claus
The Pattison Pundit 
Nice Bret Hart reference – I can give you props when you get a hit.