Flyers Fans Most Disruptive, Maintain Regional Hatred of Santa Claus

In a recent poll conducted by 193 NHL players for ESPN, Philadelphia was voted as having the most “disruptive” fans. Here’s the write-up:

Every fan believes their city has the best fans, but NHL players on average found Philly to be the most disruptive. From the “Broad Street Bullies” to the “Legion of Doom,” Flyers fans are knowledgeable and passionate, but they are also very vocal. Remember, Flyers fans even booed Santa Claus.

Wait – I don’t remember that last part ever happening…

Oh, right, because it didn’t. That was Eagles fans. Not that Flyers fans won’t boo – they’re just much more, shall we say, political in their heckling.

Heh heh. But really, everyone – can’t we just let this whole Santa thing go? I mean, the entire thing is totally ridiculous in nature. It’s never, “Oh, that Philadelphia, they booed some poor kid who was dressed up as Santa Claus.”

Nope, you never hear that. It’s always, “Well, that Philadelphia – they booed Santa Claus. The damn bastards! Oh, the humanity…!”

People – and I can’t stress this enough – Santa Claus isn’t real. We’ve done far worse in this town then that. I abhorred J.D. Drew as much as the next guy, but that whole battery hurling incident was far worse than whatever happened with Santa. The Drew incident was absolutely despicable.

And bear with me for a second here: even if Santa actually existed, why the hell would he care that somebody heckled some copycat Santa? Think about it – the guy works one night an entire year. He’s obviously loaded, seeing as he can just sit around for the rest of the year, chilling out with his woman, getting fat on an entire country’s worth of cookies and milk. The guy has contracts with all of the major toy, electronics, and clothing companies across the world, not to mention a fairly lucrative deal with the coal industry. (Editor’s note: Though he would be taking serious crap from environmentalists over the whole coal thing).

So even if Santa was a real, breathing human being, he still wouldn’t care about that incident. Hell, he’d probably appreciate the publicity – it would make him a very sympathetic figure, even to the religious crowd vehemently opposed to his existence.

I'm pretty sure that's a mistletoe necklace, hanging low. I think we can all see the genius in that...

I'm pretty sure that's a mistletoe necklace, hanging low. I think we can all see the genius in that...

But he ain’t real, people. Please, for the love of God, let it go. Or, so help me, I’ll grab me some of my disruptive Flyers fans, and we’ll beat the living brains back into every single media member who references that damn Santa incident. We’ll find you, national media – and it won’t be pretty. Not that I condone violence, of course.

But seriously – lay off the Santa gibberish. Old news, people.

Oh, and Flyers fans totally rock, as do Philly fans in general. Passion, baby. Gosh, I spent this whole damn article focused on the whole Santa thing, and not on how great Flyers fans are. It’s funny how these tired generalizations about Philadelphia fans always seem to make their way into the story, distracting attention away from something that would otherwise be positive…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to throw some batteries at Jesus, and push the Easter Bunny down a flight of stadium stairs. Hooray!



Filed under Flyers, NHL

2 responses to “Flyers Fans Most Disruptive, Maintain Regional Hatred of Santa Claus

  1. People won’t let it go, unfortunately, because it is a useful meme to get added mileage out of a story that has been beaten like a dead horse. No one talks about the jerk Met fans who came and ripped seats out of the Vet in ’86 when the Phils blocked their attempt at clinching the division. But whenever ‘bad fan’ stories come about, Booing Santa is at the front of the line.

    People need to get a life in this regard.

  2. J-Fuz

    Flyers fans do rule the roost: “Let’s go Flyers!” chants rang down from the upper deck of the Flyers-Bruins game in Boston this Sunday. The Bruins “faithful” were barely capable of keeping up, even when their tele-prompter kicked in. Worse, they were bizarrely polite to all of us, almost as if they didn’t really care that we had taken over their arena.

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