(Editors’ note: Ah, our poetic Pundit. In lieu of both the holiday season and the most recent Eagles loss, The Pundit has adapted an old Christmas classic. With an Eagles theme, of course. It’s not perfect – apparently, the original is pretty damn long. But it comes close. Without further ado, The Pattison Pundit presents: “The Loss Before Christmas.”
‘Twas the loss before Christmas, and all through the town
Everyone waited for the Birds/Skins showdown.
They controlled their own destiny as they walked to the field
For Tampa had faltered, and Dallas had reeled
In front of the tube the fans nestled in chairs
While hopes of the playoffs were heard in their prayers
Mom with her jersey, and I in my cap
Had just settled down, for the game was on tap
And as the game started there arose such a clatter
The Eagles were sputtering, well what was the matter?
The Redskins defense flew around like a flash
They tore up receivers, our runners they mashed
Their offense was paltry though yards they did gain
All the drops and bad throws by the Birds caused me pain
And what to my wondering eyes would they show
But a ten to zip deficit and 16 straight throws!
With a rotund head coach, so stubborn in his creed
I knew in a moment it was Andy Reid
Like the typical Eagles they went three and out
And he paced and he whistled and let out a shout
“Now L.J.! Now G-Lew! Now DeSean, put Brown in!
On Westbrook! On Klecko! Throw Donovan – they’re blitzin’!
To the X in the post! Another pass we will call!
Now run your route! Run your route! Don’t drop the ball!”
And Asante had gold placed right into his hands
And let it slip to the ground as they cheered in the stands.
Then DeSean’s hands did harden like concrete that dried
And the ball bounced right off them though Donovan had tried
Once more to the back of the endzone he flew
And McNabb’s pass was perfect, but he dropped that one, too.
And then, in a groaning, I heard from the chairs
The cursing and shouting from everyone there
As the clock kept on ticking, the Birds turned it around
Though Andy let the clock run by leaps and great bounds
The Birds were in position with mere seconds to go
The suspense was ungodly, where would McNabb throw?
The ball was snapped to him, and he went to work
He scrambled around with a slide and a jerk.
And suddenly dear Reggie appeared in the clear
And Donovan threw it though Redskins were near
And Reggie he caught it, but got quite a jolt
He crashed toward the ground, though he rose with a bolt
But replay would show that he came up just short
While we we all deplored this cruelest of sport
So Andy did his press conference, and what could he say?
“Merry Christmas to all – our season ended today!”
I’ll be taking the next two days off, but I’ll be back at it on Friday. Whatever your background or beliefs, I hope that you have a wonderful holiday. (Editor’s note: What a happy Festivus it will be).
Right. Ho ho ho, and all that good stuff.