“Twas the loss before Christmas” – The Pundit puts some holiday cheer into the Birds’ cruel defeat

(Editors’ note: Ah, our poetic Pundit. In lieu of both the holiday season and the most recent Eagles loss, The Pundit has adapted an old Christmas classic. With an Eagles theme, of course. It’s not perfect – apparently, the original is pretty damn long. But it comes close. Without further ado, The Pattison Pundit presents: “The Loss Before Christmas.”

‘Twas the loss before Christmas, and all through the town

Everyone waited for the Birds/Skins  showdown.

They controlled their own destiny as they walked to the field

For Tampa had faltered, and Dallas had reeled

In front of the tube the fans nestled in chairs

While hopes of the playoffs were heard in their prayers

Mom with her jersey, and I in my cap

Had just settled down, for the game was on tap

And as the game started there arose such a clatter

The Eagles were sputtering, well what was the matter?

The Redskins defense flew around like a flash

They tore up receivers, our runners they mashed

Their offense was paltry though yards they did gain

All the drops and bad throws by the Birds caused me pain

And what to my wondering eyes would they show

But a ten to zip deficit and 16 straight throws!

With a rotund head coach, so stubborn in his creed

I knew in a moment it was Andy Reid

Like the typical Eagles they went three and out

And he paced and he whistled and let out a shout

“Now L.J.! Now G-Lew! Now DeSean, put Brown in!

On Westbrook! On Klecko! Throw Donovan – they’re blitzin’!

To the X in the post! Another pass we will call!

Now run your route! Run your route! Don’t drop the ball!”

And Asante had gold placed right into his hands

And let it slip to the ground as they cheered in the stands.

Then DeSean’s hands did harden like concrete that dried

And the ball bounced right off them though Donovan had tried

Once more to the back of the endzone he flew

And McNabb’s pass was perfect, but he dropped that one, too.

And then, in a groaning, I heard from the chairs

The cursing and shouting from everyone there

As the clock kept on ticking, the Birds turned it around

Though Andy let the clock run by leaps and great bounds

The Birds were in position with mere seconds to go

The suspense was ungodly, where would McNabb throw?

The ball was snapped to him, and he went to work

He scrambled around with a slide and a jerk.

And suddenly dear Reggie appeared in the clear

And Donovan threw it though Redskins were near

And Reggie he caught it, but got quite a jolt

He crashed toward the ground, though he rose with a bolt

But replay would show that he came up just short

While we we all deplored this cruelest of sport

So Andy did his press conference, and what could he say?

“Merry Christmas to all – our season ended today!”

I’ll be taking the next two days off, but I’ll be back at it on Friday. Whatever your background or beliefs, I hope that you have a wonderful holiday. (Editor’s note: What a happy Festivus it will be).

festivus1

Right. Ho ho ho, and all that good stuff.

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3 Comments

Filed under Eagles, NFL

3 responses to ““Twas the loss before Christmas” – The Pundit puts some holiday cheer into the Birds’ cruel defeat

  1. Nanners

    Creative journalism at its best!

    Iambic or not,
    You launched a good shot.
    No ‘f’ word – nor beer?
    A good close to your year.

    And tho the birds didn’t bring it
    You knew how to sing it!

    Your proud Nannie.

  2. It’s a Festivus for the Rest of us!

    Great work, Pundit. It is very creative I’ll be sharing it with the rest of my family (all of whom have been Birds fans for decades).

  3. Joe

    Times like these I like to step back and point to a comment I wrote December 4th when the NFC predictions came out from the ranter and the pundit. https://pattisonpundit.wordpress.com/2008/12/04/coming-down-the-stretch-nfl-predictions-for-the-final-quarter-of-the-season-and-the-playoffs/

    Whose prediction is the only one that is not mathmatically impossible by this point? Minus division leader seeding order.

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